My life

April 6th, 2017

10:40 A.M
I don't know what format im going to write in yet so I'll just write however i feel. Do you know that feeling where your just there but you don't feel there. Like your living everything through a window. Symptoms are like spacing out, not being able to continue a conversation or even acknowledge it, feeling like an outsider with your "best friends". Well that was me during lunch today whether it was because i completely failed my math test and that's going to make me fail math or whether i overheard something i wasn't supposed to. I overheard a guy in my math class tell my teacher he failed to commit suicide.

I wasn't supposed to hear i was staying after class to try and finish my test and my seat was by the door. I overheard him tell her i tried to block it out because i get really sad when i hear about things of that sort. But my school has lost so many this year and i don't know what's going to happen over spring break. Everytime there's a long weekend whether it's a 3 day weekend or a whole week off something always happens. My spring break is like weeks late compared to other school's who knows why. But I'm scared that he will do something again because that's another one gone someone i know just gone. And i can't deal with more stress.

Let me tell you guys something about me im 16 turning 17 im a girl. No name for now at least. I live in Florida i have my whole life actually. My parents are really chill for being Hispanic, oh im also hispanic i have some siblings a brother and a sister both older. I trust them more than anyone. And i have a cat and a dog they're both so cute.

Right now my main stress is school since im a junior im going to be a senior in August fun right? Shouldn't it be? I'm so worried of what will happen with my life after graduation will i know what college im going to? What will i be studying? Am i sticking to the medical field? I have like 4 more credits that i need for graduation requirements meaning I'll be going over the 24 credit requirement.

Super happy about that. I'm pushing myself to hard and I know that but my motto is "Go Big Or Go Home" i went from failing sophomore year to honor classes junior year to soon to be AP classes senior year. I'm not ready for AP classes but one of my favorite quotes is " If you can't blow them away with your intelligence baffle them with your bs". Your soon going to discover that i don't use profanity at all unless im mad but even then it's just a lot of spanish.

Let's talk boys shall we i have no guys friend's well i do but i don't talk to them like let's say your in a room of strangers and you see 3 guys you know in a group. I would rather talk to a stranger then talk to them. They're all a bunch douches except like 2 out of 20 of them. I'm staight by the way it's just that guys seem like more drama that i can't relate to.

But anyways there's this one guy right now he's a senior he was in one of my first semester classes and he was CUTE but the problem is we don't have class together anymore and i never talked to him and the one time i did i didn't know his name and i called him "that guy" i was picking people for my group. Anyway since the beginning of the 2nd semester i would notice him everywhere in the cafeteria for breakfast and lunch in the halls sometimes and everytime i would see him we would make eye contact.

But today was diffrent because he came up to me like he was on a mission in the breakfast line but then he slowed down and got in line right behind me and we just stared at each other for a few seconds. I turned around and talked to the lunch staff and grabbed my food and left but i didn't miss his quick once over of me. The one day i wear a huge t-shirt tied to the side this is like messy and lazy for me because im always put together. So i of course was so embarrassed and annoyed he say me looking like a slob. Anyway i went to throw out my trash and wait for my friend i looked to where he was sitting and he was looking at me and he SMILED now this isn't a huge thing to most but i bit down my smile and walked away with my friend.  And now I'm annoyed i don't know his name to find him on Instagram.  That's my morning so far unless i tell you guys about my friends.

My friends i don't hate them but im getting tired of them. Let's start with my so called "best friend's" there's 2 of them we will name them thing 1 and thing 2 i know how original right.

Thing one who i spend more time with is a brunette she's 18 she's also a junior she's enlisting into the marines. She's not that bad actually it's just i do things fast pace and she's well slow in everything like she doesn't react fast enough or she doesn't know as much as i do so i can't talk to her about certain topics like politics or world problems. And I'm huge one those 2 topics.

Thing 2 she is well blonde she's rude and then complains about how teachers don't like her. She's 17 also a junior. I envy the fact that she can get guys and i can't since she's not even that pretty... well she is but I'm prettier... I sound conceited which i kind of am I'll admit that. But like I'm not the ugliest so why don't guys like me?  Im solid 7-8 at least that's what people say. And people do lie.

I just realized i like my church friends more than my school friend's and it might be because we have more in common but I've known my friends for 3 year! I've known my church friends for about 5 months maybe and we only talk on Sunday so like in reality I've known them like 2-3 months.

I should drop hints to see if anyone can figure out who i am but that's something for the future.

5:32 PM
I fell down the stairs so that happened. I realised thing 1 isn't so bad and why we're friend's in the first place. That doesn't mean i won't get annoyed but im grateful to have her. I have to do the outline for my history class which is almost 2 chapters long and i really don't want to do it i also have to write a speech of 500 words and an essay for english 400 words all due tomorrow and i need to study for my anatomy test and history test. I went to the dentist by the way she was so much more forceful then she needed to be. 

I'm debating if i should actually post this and if i do should i wait. Like do i post it at night before i go to bed or do i post tomorrow morning? I don't know I'll see what I will do later for now i have homework.

I wonder if people would even read this?

8:26 PM
I still have not started my homework and my dog is insisting on being walk but im not wearing pants/ im wear short pj shorts. So i have to hear him bark until my brother comes home to walk him because i don't want to put pants on.