SCARRED

SCARRED

The atmosphere was cool but not cold enough to send shivers down your spine still yet cold enough for a sweat shirt. The smell of wet sand filled my nostrils and I inhaled deeply.  This evening was different, it was magical and I found myself  smiling into the the orange slashed with yellow of the setting sun. I grabbed my sweatshirt and unconsciously made the decision to go for a walk,  the evening was too charming to be hurdled in the hostel.

I walked ever slowly which was unusual with me. The normal Alliyyah would rush through her day.  I wanted the magic of this day to last forever when the beep from my phone interrupted my thoughts....

Hello Ally(for shorts)
Hi,  Carson how are you this cute evening?
Funny,  you've got your charms on display I see.
I chuckled .
The evening air is as dazzling as your pretty face but no where near your ardour, I was wondering if you'd mind a walk with me.
I smiled...  Carson was sweet and all but his cuteness could be over bearing at times, that aside am too nice say so. I took the fools way out.
Sorry darling I'd rather stay in, I'm reading a book and it's way too chilly out there I wouldn't want to come down with a cold.
I understand sweets,  have fun......
I sighed happy I got off without offending him but still feeling bad about lying.

I made my way past the infamous school clinic of kogi state college of education ankpa, past the school guest house and admin block making my way slowly but steadily towards the gate that led off campus.
I was so lost in thought that when my phone beeped signalling the time for magrib prayer I was stunned,  so much time lost but only then did I notice how far i'd strayed.  It was getting darker and colder, I tightened my sweatshirt around me grateful for its warmth as I made my way back to my hostel.

    A twig snapped,  was it behind me or in front of me I asked myself freezing in my path.  I listened but all was quiet and calm,  the pathway was deserted so I was basically alone.  My imagination is playing tricks on me, I smiled.

There they were,  both of them completely blocking the path way.  I don't know what was off beats about them but I didn't feel safe as I had house bumps all over me. I stood trying my hardest to assure myself everything was fine.  Summoning my most bravest voice I said "Excuse me, you're both standing in my way.  If you don't mind, may I go through?. But regretfully it came out as a whisper and they didn't bulge.
I stood thinking maybe this are just miniatures since I could detect no movement from them when I caught a movement from the corners of my eyes....  The other had gone behind me and he was drunk to the core.  Seeing this I made a swift move to by pass the one in front unfortunately for me he had anticipated that, now I was locked in a forced embrace with him,  he reeked of alcohol. I began to sob,  why?  I can't really tell...  The tears kept coming this silent tears that chokes your throat making you feel like you'd die the very next second.

    Shhh!  I won't hurt you, you know I never will.  Fear gripped my heart as his voice sounded oddly familiar.  I made to loom up into his face bit it was so dark I could barely see anything. Still locked in a forced embraced his lips brushed against my neck, it felt rough,  his hands found my waist and my skinned burned where ever he touched. stop!! I screamed  but the voice was only in my head.
It won't hurt I promise but only if you don't fight it.  That voice!!  I know that voice but where? Afloat my fears I tried hard to give a face to this voice.
Ally I'm lonely,  I need you coz you're what's good for me but you'd never listen if I tell you.  I felt gravel pinch into my skin as my back forcefully hit the ground sending darts of pain to my spine, my screams were locked in my throat refusing to excape. He planted an aggressive kiss on my lips devoid of emotions more like marking ones territory.  Who are you I whispered my voice quivering.  At least tell me who it is that's about to rape me I screamed into his mouth......  The slap landed on my left chin like a tornado,  I tasted my own blood, silently I wept as I lay on the cold gravel floor helpless and suddenly to drained to fight back or stop what was happening.  I took solace in trying to place a face to the voice.  I tried one last time "you're not mean, you're never neen" surprised at myself, how did I know that.
Being nice has got me only your pity Ally, I'm done being nice!!. I closed my eyes in total defeat and submission as the monster rare it's head, thrust after thrust I held on believing this was just a nightmare it'll be over and I'd see it was all a bad dream. It was hell and I thought I might be in a place beyond death, if I could not die this instance,  slowly my hold on consciousness was slipping.  Deep down I know Alliyyah would never be same again,  Ally would never hold her head high without the shadows of this hunting her sleeping and waking hour, I thought, ALLY  you're not just SCARRED,  you're BROKEN  but unlike a toy you'd never be fixed when suddenly it hit me like a revelation......  Carson! Carson is my rapist as I finally slipped away from consciousness.