Just A Cigarette...

                 It's late, almost 2 am but Carol is getting out ofher bed to look all over the creepy house, just hoping to find some cigarettes. After so many days without it her addiction is knocking on her door in this cold silent night. Old habits never seem to die.

               She found one old cigarette lost inside the pocket of her ripped brown jacket, the one she didn't wear since the day she was brought to the Kingdom, and lit it up on the oven. Closing her blue eyes, she breathes in deeply to feel the scent of the smoke, and breathes out to in a sigh, a sigh that means a lot more that she could expect of tonight.

             This smell inevitably brings Carol right back to the dark road she desperaly tried to escape, the day she left Alexandria. All the killing, all the fire, all the pain, all the memories of him. Somehow, at this moment, it was if she could smell Daryl standing right here in front of her.

            Just a cigarette was enough. She misses him and that now is clear to her as it never was before.

            She fought so hard to keep this feeling away. But it's alive right here in this living room, while she's standing by the window to let the smoke go away with the wind.

           Just like that time when the fire consumed every weakness of her bones when she killed for the first time and consumed all the hope she once had inside. Daryl was there with her. Always in her mind.

            She remembered the moment when they were lying side by side on the bed of that hospital room on their last run together. And the day they found each other leaving Terminus. How warm was his touch and how safe they felt in each others arms on that hug.

            Something about the scent of this cigarette...all of these little moments meant more that she ever admitted, but not it's like she could deny anymore. Every little word he ever said, every silent look he gave her, his subtle way to worry about her. It all came back to her with this cigarette.

             Carol defensively tried to run away, because she knew she couldn't live with the fear of never being able to forgive herself for her actions. But the worst part is that she didn't want to see the guilt being revealed in her eyes when Daryl looks at her again. He always saw through her. That's why she ran away, but that's why she misses him now.

             Some scars are written in her skin as a reminder that she can fight over everything, i mean, she is Carol Peletier and she survived years with Ed. She knows that she is strong enough to live with the pain, but it doesn't mean that love is not there waiting for her as well. She only needed time to realize this.

           Now it seems clear as the stars in this southern sky. she can't fade away, neither this memories. His murmured voice saying "we ain't ashes" come as a sweet whisper in her mind and she quickly smiles, because she knows it's true.

           Shivering, she's not feeling alone but closing her blue eyes and let the cigarette touch her lips softly it's like she can kiss Daryl's lips instead. He's probably taste like this, she thinks to herself.

           But where he'd be now? Is he even alive? What happened to everyone else in Alexandria since she left? All those questions came to her mind as her eyes were full of tears.

           So Carol dried her eyes with her hands and put the cigarette out, after all she was the one who chose to be far away and now she has to live with this decision.

          She closed the window. changed her clothes to an old white shirt she used to keep untouchated in the closet. It's the same shirt she wore the last time she spoke to Daryl. And then lay down to try once again to sleep before the sun raises.

           Right when she closed her eyes she heard a noise coming from the outside. It looked like a knock on the door but she wasn't sure.

           At this point who could it be? Morgan and Ezequiel wouldn't appear at this time of the night for any particularly reasons because she spoke to both of them some hours ago. There is no one else left that knew where she was, so she though it would be some kind of danger.

          Carol was curious and apprehensive enough to get up and as she walked to the door she took her knife to protect herself of whatever that could be.

          She opened the door,but first took a deep breath. Good thing she did. It was Daryl on the other side, standing there with his bangs covering his tearful eyes.

          Suddenly, she was consumed all over again.