Jump | Zach Mitchell

eight

MOM and I talk for a long time. I'm pretty sure I would've been in my room all day if it weren't for the three loud knocks on my door. 

"Hold on, Mom," I whisper into the receiver. I'm already betting on who it is, but just to be sure, I call, "Who is it?"

There's some shuffling on the other side of the door. "It's me."

"Just... Just a second." I uncover the mouthpiece and mumble, "Mom, it's Zach."

"What are you going to do?" She asks.

"I don't know!" I kick the throw pillow onto the other side of the bed. "I need to go answer the door, though. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

Mom agrees. "Let me know what happens." I don't have the heart to tell her that I doubt I'll summon the balls to tell my best friend that I have a crush on him while we're on a dinosaur island. "I love you!"

"I love you too." I hang up and crouch over my bag. "You can, uh, come in." I dig around for my charger.

The door creaks open slowly. "Hey."

"Hey yourself," I say, tugging my charger out of its tight spot among my clothes. "What's up?"

Zach shrugs and closes the door behind him. "Just thought that we needed to talk about this."

I take a deep breath. "I don't feel like arguing with you right now, Zach." I shove the plug into the wall with more force than necessary. "Can we just fight tonight or something?"

"No." He sits on the edge of my bed. "We're talking about this now."

"What is there to talk about?" I whirl on him, throwing my arms up. "Did you come in here to say sorry? Because you do that, but then you act like an asshole all over again. So why don't we just skip the fake apology this time, okay?"

"It's not a fake apology!" He snaps. "And you're always an asshole before I am."

I laugh without humor. "You're joking, right?" When he stares at me blankly, I say, "Zach, you're always an asshole. Granted, I know that I'm one too and that's kind of how our friendship works, but at least I'm nice some of the time. At least I treat my parents with respect. At least I care about Gray."

"How could you say that? You know I love my brother! Just because I don't dote on him like everyone else doesn't mean that I don't care about him." His face is bright red and his chest bounces with each agitated breath.

"You have a funny way of showing it."

He runs his hand over his face. "I didn't come in here to talk about Gray. I came in here to talk about you." He rests his elbows on his knees and stares at me with serious dark eyes.

I cross my arms and shift my weight. "What about me?"

"Jonelle, you're my best friend, okay?" He looks at the floor. He's wearing those muddy, abused Converse. I have half of a mind to buy him a new pair, but I know that he likes them better when they're well-worn.

Zach continues with a low voice. "You know me better than anyone. You've been there for me through..." He doesn't say it. He just swallows and shakes his head. I know it scares him to hear his parents screaming at each other. I know it scares him to see the absence of love in their eyes. I know it scares him to witness his parents falling out of love. I know everything there is to know about this boy.

"When you're scared, I'm scared." Zach meets my eyes. His voice is steady. "You're always so... tough. I know that you're scared of water. I knew that, but I'd never seen you around it. And you got so..." He shakes his head, looking back down at his feet. "It freaked me out, Jonelle. In all my life, I've never seen you afraid. It bothered me. I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't know how to fix it."

Now he picks at his fingernail. "If a boy at school breaks your heart, I can beat him up. If you get a bad grade, I can help you study. If you're on your period, I can get you ice cream. There's something I can do about that. But when you're scared of something that I have no control over..." He shifts. "I didn't know what to do."

"It's fine, Zach." The words come out of my mouth without passing through my brain. "Just forget about it." Anything to see you happy again. I hate seeing you like this.

"No, it's not fine." He stands up.

I sigh. "Zach..." I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Please." I hear his footfalls as he crosses the room to me. "I..."

"You what?"

I shake my head, lowering my hand. He notices the slight tremor in the tiny gesture, how I'm trying so hard to keep it together.

"Hey..." He tenderly takes my wrist in his warm grip.

I turn my head, softly pulling my hand away. I know that if I stay here any longer, inches away from him, alone together, I'll crack. I'll kiss him or I'll cry. Hell, I might do both. I'm so damn tired after all this traveling, and I'm tired of hiding my feelings, and I'm tired of fearing his reaction.

Now is not the time.

That's what I tell myself repeatedly as I step away from him to check my phone's percentage.

But when is the time?

"Jonelle."

"I'm ready to go." I wipe at my cheeks, making sure that no tears have leaked out. "I'm sure Gray is tired of waiting."

"He can wait a little longer. We're not finished here-"

"I'm finished, Zach." I face him with a firm lip. "I'm done here. I want us to go have fun and not think about... everything." I force a small smile onto my face. "Okay?"

I know he needs this. I know he needs to forget his responsibilities and his parents' divorce and all the other things stressing him out.

I need it too. I need to relax and figure some things out for myself. I need time to think but also time to not think.

It's obvious he's reluctant to let this go. When we get back tonight, who is to say we won't be too tired to talk? Then we'll put it off the entire time we're here because it will be a continuous cycle, and then when we go home again we'll just forget about the problem. Then we'll end up fighting again over something stupid.

"Fine." Zach brushes past me. "Let's go." He stomps into his side of the hotel room. "Gray, you ready?"

"Are you kidding? I was born ready!" Gray bounds over to me, a grin on his face. It falters when he sees our expressions. "Are you guys okay?"

Another fake smile from yours truly. "Yeah, of course. I'm just a little tired." I reach over to push some hair out of his eyes. "No worries."

"We're a bit early," Zara says from her lounging position on the couch. "We needn't leave so soon-"

"Gray said that he wanted to look around, remember?" I pat Gray on the shoulder. "So we're going to go look around. Come with us or don't."

With that, I steer Gray out of the hotel room, Zach hot on my heels.

I don't close the door. Halfway down the hallway, I hear Zara step out. "Your aunt wants me to look after you." She closes the door and hastens to catch up with us. "So I guess that means I have to come along."