shattered souls won't mend themselves (supercorp au)

day terrors

Maybe that's the entire reason I want to break through to her room. Maybe I want a glimpse into the life, the thoughts, the rudimentary wants and needs of this girl who's made me feel as good about myself as Lex did.

It's weird, comparing someone so bright and cheerful and happy to, well, Lex. It's even hard for me to remember sometimes that Lex was once all these things...

~~~

I was young, a little over four years old. It was my second night staying at the Luthor house. I was still wary of trusting anyone in this new environment, despite Lex's hospitality and excitement at my arrival. I mostly stayed in my room those first couple of days. But that evening (it was a Friday, so Lex didn't have school the next day), Lex coaxed me out of my room and into the living room. There were two comfy, high-backed chairs facing each other over a small, round table. And on that table, there was a chess set.

Lex guided me over to one of the chairs, the one in front of the black pieces. He sat across from me. He smiled at me hopefully.

"Do you know how to play?" he asked, bubbling with excitement. I shook my head, almost scared to disappoint him. But he just smiled again. "Okay, so this is a pawn..."

Lex explained the game thoroughly in less than two minutes. I completely understood how to play, even if I didn't play well; that first game, Lex beat me in ten moves. But over the next seven or so hours, that number got larger. I picked up strategies from Lex; I started being able to read what he was going to do. At one seventeen the next morning, we ended in a stalemate. And then, an hour and eleven minutes later, Lex uttered the word check . I responded, moving my queen, with checkmate .

At first, Lex didn't say anything. His eyes widened as he looked at the board. I thought he was going to get mad at me; I sank deeper into the cushions of the chair. But then Lex's face broke into a wide smile and he reached across the board and hugged me.

"Great job Lena!" he whispered in my ear. "No-one's beaten me at chess in at least a year, not even Mother! You have so much potential!"

I blushed and simply hugged him back.

~~~

I was still young, about six, maybe six and a half, so there had been ample time to allow Lillian's so-called chastising about my "sinful relationship" with Sara to push my memories of her to the deep, dark recesses of my mind (to this day, I call it brainwashing). Despite this, or maybe because of it, I never felt the need to have any friends, of a special nature or otherwise. I turned down invitations to sit at lunch tables, to go to birthday parties, to even say hello. People got the message quick enough. I wanted to be left alone. Sure, I ended up feeling lonely at school, but as soon as school ended, I would wait outside the sixth grade classrooms for Lex. As soon as he stepped out of his class, he would wave wildly to me and I would blush at his antics, thinking, you're making yourself look silly, Lex. His goofy smile would change to a genuine one by the time he walked over to me. He would take my hand and we would walk back to the mansion. We'd race to the double doors (Lex let me win sometimes, but I got mad at him for not pushing me and making me better, so he smiled and ran faster the next time) and, if Lillian wasn't home, we'd race all the way to his room. As soon as we shut the door to his room, I'd tell him about my day and the people I observed. Lex always smiled and laughed at all the right places, and then, every single time I finished my eager, long-winded reports of the day, he told me I was destined to be a spy one day. And, every single time he told me I would make a great spy one day, I would smile proudly and snuggle up next to him in his bed as he did his homework, just content to be in his presence.

There was one day that was different. The day started off pretty much the same: Lex woke me up at seven thirty, throwing open the giant curtains to let the bright sunshine in through the wide, floor-to-ceiling window; he made me toast with butter and jelly (and sometimes chocolate and peanut butter if Lillian wasn't in the kitchen yet) and sat with me while he ate his oatmeal; we went into Lex's room again and played chess until quarter of nine (we usually got a couple games in); we packed our backpacks and he took my hand as we walked to school; he dropped my off by the first grade classrooms, tousled my hair, and walked off to the sixth grade classes; I sat in the back of the classroom and watch the people file in, arranging themselves into little cliques; I suffered through the teacher's extensive, slow explanations about things I already knew about; I met Lex at recess, and we sat against the (sunny, of course) wall of the school playing chess on his computer; I beat him one, he beat me once and we were at a stalemate when the teachers called us all in; I ate my lunch of a banana-chocolate-peanut-butter sandwich alone in the corner of the lunch room; I suffered through more of the teacher's high-pitched voice as I worked five pages ahead in my math book and stared at the boy and girl sitting next to each other as they passed notes under the table and giggled whenever they glanced at each other; I waited for Lex, he waved, grabbed my hand, we walked home; we raced to the double doors and threw them open.