Long before you I have to admit I was not the best nor was I remotely good. Atleast in my eyes, I suppose in other eyes i was good. I wore my heart on my sleeve for everyone to see although that was never my intention. However what i did wish to hide i hid very well unless ofcourse you knew my heart and soul but no one did till you. But yes before you i wasn't sure what love was and i was stuck with feelings for some guy who mentally abused and changed my anatomy of thinking. Then one glorious day I met you however i hid it from you until one day the truth came out. Soon after our story began and ended only to begin anew and end. However these endings were never truly an ending. We stayed by each other's side. I was and still am in love with you with an intensity you only read about and I despise that i feel so much. My loyalty is unwavering, the sacrifices i make are greater than most and i cant honestly say that after these years i have received the same from you. In fights i give in...always... I cant stand being angry at you it takes such a toll on me and i am more than willing to swallow my pride and let it go even though i dont want to. The worst part is when i see you with someone else. The rage could bring down kingdoms and the sadness could drown the universe. I bend these feelings into a numbness that i reside in. Its confusing when you do so much with me and admit to loving me and seeing a future with me yet you still are with them. I raise you up when you're down for them for her. Every time. There has never been a time where you have been down and i havent raised you up. You know you aren't even happy with them nor do you think they will last and when they don't you come crawling back to me. There is not a single thing stopping you from having me from being with me but then again i know you better than anybody and i know how stubborn you are. If you wanted to be with me you already would be. Perhaps im fooling myself into hoping. If i love you i have to let you do what pleases you. I can only give you advice i can't force you to listen to it, I can only hope that you'll get there on your own and if i love you i have to let you make these mistakes. This however does not mean i will wait for you this means that im putting my feelings aside and just wear the title of best friend. Should you finally realize that you love me and are willing to fight for me i will let you. But i will not put all of my hopes in that i can't fool myself. I just want you to know I love you and through all the hell that ive been through i will never regret it or loving you. At the end i learned to love from you a love unwavering, relentless, unselfish and infinite. I just hope you realize your own feelings before its too late.
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts Of A Paradox Heart
PoetryJust some of my thoughts and pain. Perhaps a bit poetic but its things i want to say but dont and by doing it this way im saying them. It might also have some poems made by me. T.L.S.M
