shattered souls won't mend themselves (supercorp au)

blood will tell

"What, don't you have anything to say this time? Don't you have some hurtful retort to hit me over the head with again? Don't you have something to say?"

Her strong jaw trembles the slightest bit, but it is enough that my eyes pick up on it (my eyes pick up on anything that girl does.) It gives away so much. It tells me that I've hurt her, that I've made her feel something that wasn't happy. I did that (and the very fact ashamedly yields me satisfaction. I am capable of changing Lena Luthor. ) I'm not sure if she notices the tear that is falling down her face, and it takes all my willpower to abstain from gathering her in my arms, to tell her I'm sorry that I just did this to her.

"Why can't you just leave me alone? Haven't you already messed with my life enough?" She doesn't mean it. She's hurting, she's not watching what she says. Or maybe Lena is fully aware of what she's saying. Maybe she's trying to hurt me, to drive me away, back me into a corner, to barrage me with accusing glares and loaded words that chip away at my confidence in this matter, until I have nothing left to say. Whatever the case may be, I'm simply angered. Once again, some stowed away narcissism emerges from with me, bubbling in my head. Once again, I find myself thinking that I'm selfish for feeling this way, for wanting her to need me, for her to just give in already. I find myself wishing she would stop fighting it, to let me just hold her in my arms and tell her it's going to be okay, because I'm here for her. But it's like she doesn't know that, it's like she's refusing to know that.

And it makes me inexplicably angry.

"Why can't you just let me be a part of your life? Why do you do this to yourself, for Christ's sake Lena. You can't blame this one anyone, not the guides, not the other kids, not even Lex. Whatever is happening here is because of you. It's your fault. " I don't filter my words, I just let out an angry huff of air and settle into the silence, my eyes searching her face too quickly, too eagerly, for a reaction.

It's common knowledge in the world of foster homes. You don't blame the victim.

But I did. I put the blame on Lena.

She knows this all too well.

When she opens her mouth, she doesn't say anything at first. She closes it again, and I can see her jaw clench, hard. She's mad, and she's trying not to act out on it, whether with words or actions (which is admirable, it's more than I can say for myself.) She finally speaks, her voice low and quavering.

"Don't you dare talk about Lex like that. You don't know him! I do!" I am overridden with guilt. Of course Lena would want to remember Lex as she knew him, before everything went to shit and she was thrown into this life. Who wouldn't never let go of the good things?

"He's gone Lena. He's not coming back, so why, why , are you letting him do this to you?" My wonder is genuine. I couldn't fathom why Lena would want to live like this, constantly under the shadow of her brother's doings. I've met enough people in my life to know that one can be their own person, no matter who they're related to. I know, I know it for a fact, that Lena didn't have to live like this. I take a step forward, keeping my eyes steadily trained on hers, looking for who knows what at this point. Hurt? Betrayal? Brokenness?

" Stop it! Lex has nothing to do with this!" She manages to both scream and whimper out the words. To sound both furious and let down at the same time. I'm playing a dirty game, but it's the only way.

Never blame the victim...

"You're right, it's you. It's always been you." ( Whoops.) The first step I had taken towards her had progressed to many steps, and she has no choice but to move back with me. I have her in the corner, just like the last time. History has a way of repeating itself. The two inches that I have on her are to my advantage, I am towering over her, and Lena is looking up at me. I feel like a playground bully, with my face close to hers, the words that slip off my tongue are hurtful and accusing, all while I'm watching her slowly crumble, the tears spilling faster and faster from her eyes, her breath becoming shakier.