Fifty Shades Of Something Different

Take Me To Church

They had also painted the ceiling as well as the walls.

"You still sure that I'll be able to move in Monday?"

"I'm positive. Maybe even Sunday."

"Ok I trust you."

We spoke some more about before he walked me out when it was time to get back to work.

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I walked down the long hallway to the music room where I knew she would be when I didn't find her in her room.

I watched from outside her back flex while she played the piano. Her body was tense her hands moved in angry quick movements over the keys without pause. I couldn't hear anything since the room was sound proof but I could tell that she was angry from just reading her body language.

Then she stopped abruptly before she banged her fists hard, repeatedly over the keys. She stood up with a flurish knocking the piano bench over. She pulled in a deep breath and screamed making her veins at the side of her neck bulge. She screamed again and again and again only talking a few short breaths only to scream again until she wore herself out leaving her breathless. Her chest heaved up and down harshly trying to pull oxygen into her lungs.

My heart broke the longer I watched her. I decided then to walk in.

She turned quickly looking like a frenzied animal but when she realized it was me her gaze softened. Her bottom lip trembled and tears swam in her big innocent eyes.

"Kehlani." She choked.

"Oh sweetie."

I walked over to her hurriedly and wrapped my arms around her.

I held onto her tightly as she cried her eyes out.

"I don't understand. Why me?"

"It's going to be okay Lana."

"I just don't..."

"Shhh it's going to be okay." I said rubbing her back fighting off my own tears.

When she finally calmed down she pulled away looking embarrassed.

"There's no need to feel embarrassed."

I picked up the bench and sat down. I pat the space next to me gesturing for her to take a seat.

She sank onto the bench next to me. Her eyes following the movement of my fingers over the keys. I wasn't pressing just floating over them.

"You want to talk about it?" I asked.

"No." She said weakly but I could hear the hesitation in her voice so I stayed quiet giving her a choice if she wanted to tell me I'd listen or she could keep it to herself until she was ready to tell me.

"I am so angry." She said.

"I'm angry at everyone and everything."

"There was a time when my life was perfect before I was diagnosed. I had friends. I had good grades at school. I even had a boyfriend."

"But they all abandoned me when I told them. They didn't want to get attached only to have me die so they jumped ship. But I can't find it in myself to be mad.... I... I... I really want to be mad but I understand why they did it." She whispered.

Tears welled in my eyes. I was afraid to look at because I knew I'd break down but I didn't want to make this about me.

"I'm angry at God. He put me in this situation and I don't get why he did that. I've never hurt anyone. I give money and food to the homeless, I used to go to church - practically lived there but..." she choked on a sob.