a/n: i don't know if i told y'all before but this story will be split into two part. this is the last chapter before part two begins.
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When Josh first told me he loved me, we were in the backseat of his beaten down car. Some shitty pop song with a lot of bass was playing through the old speakers, and I could feel the bass in my spine, where it lay pressed against the seat. There was only a streetlight down the street from where we parked, and pieces of moonlight scattering across us, and I lay under him with slivers of light cutting his face into separate parts, and I adored every one of them.
He had one hand moving down my chest and the other on my throat, lips molded to mine and our hips gaining a decent rhythm. I could feel him everywhere, and I knew I was never going to be able to ever really give him up. "I love you," he muttered into the skin of my neck, giving me time to steal back the breath I was gasping out. "I love you so much. So bad."
Thinking he was caught up in the moment, thinking the words were a product of the time, I played along. "How do you know?" I grinned.
And then, he said something I knew, in my heart and in my mind, that I knew I would never forget. And not just what he said, but how he said it.
"Because without you what's the point?"
His voice was so casual and so honest, and it amazed me how damn comfortable he was with openly admitting his dependency. It took me forever to do that. Forever.
And without that thought running through my mind, without the memory of him saying that to me in the back of his car, face void of humor and drowning in the truth, I wouldn't have made it. Nothing would have mattered if I couldn't remember Josh saying that to me. Without you what's the point? He said it like he meant it, like it's the last thing he would ever mean.
So, I woke up the next morning (the morning after the weed) and tried to forget the weed, tried to forget anything and everything that was going to kill me, tried to get into a decent mindset to get up and look at the world and tell it that it isn't going to beat me. It wasn't going to. For Josh and for myself. It wouldn't.
I didn't tell him I loved him back until the next morning. But it didn't matter, because he knew anyway.
***
a/n: lmao enjoy
YOU ARE READING
WHEN BEAUTY NO LONGER EXISTS
FanfictionDuring which Tyler is taken advantage of, and his world seems to shatter over and over every day because of it.
