I know this isn't exactly scary, but it's still funny. No offense to any blondes out there.
1. A blonde and a redhead were hurtling toward the ground. The redhead hit the ground first because the blonde had to ask for directions.
2. A brunette, a red head and a blonde were stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere, a hundred miles from any civilization. The redhead dove into the water and made the swim. Then the brunette made the swim. Finally the blonde tried. She swam halfway, then swam back.
3. A redhead, a brunette and a blonde are camping on a cliff. There's a legend that if you shout the name a liquid while jumping you land in that liquid. The redhead jumped and shouted, "Dr. Pepper!" She landed in the pop.
Then the brunette jumped. She shouted, "Coke!" She landed in pop.
Finally the blonde jumped. She shouted, "Wheeeeee!" She landed in pee.
4. Two blondes are on a train. They spot an old man with a long beard. The first blonde says, "Look, it's Charles Darwin!"
The second blonde says, "No he's not, stupid."
Just then another man walks into the compartment. He says, "Howdy Charles! I haven't seen you for hundreds of years! Where' et you been?"
"Who's stupid now?" The first blonde replied.
5. Blonde Painting the House
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all
these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid,
so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are
smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is
going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and
smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living
room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at
the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks
what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him
that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket
over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the
directions on the paint can and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
6. January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
What a year!!
I hope you like it! Please vote for me!
-Pickles
