Niagara Falls

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After our trip in Iceland, we were back home in Austin. I had to leave back to England again, But I knew Gabi wouldn't want to go, considering it was for work. Gabi and I had a rough patch, and didn't get along well in Iceland, I think it was my fault for overreacting about what happened with Trevor and her.

I sat in our bed, staring at our TV blankly as she was curled up next to me, half asleep. It was about noon, but she was tired from the flight. Geoff told us we didn't have to come in today. Well, he told her. I was told to come in today but I declined, told him I didn't feel well. Which, wasn't totally a lie.

I felt the bed move, and saw that Gabi was awake. She yawned, and stretched as she sat up.

"Morning." I smiled dully at her. She looked at me and nodded. She got up and walked to the bathroom. I frowned as continued to stare at the TV as the shower turned on. I sighed and texted Geoff.

To Geoff

I think Gabi-

Why am I texted Geoff? I'm an idiot, he's just gonna be happy. I racked my brain for someone to talk to.

Michael!

To Michael

I think Gabi and I are in a rough spot. She hasn't talked to me in like a day.

From Michael 

What happened??

To Michael

I don't know! I told her morning when she woke up from a nap but she went off into the shower without saying a word to me. I'm not sure what to do!

From Michael 

Lindsay says double date?

To Michael 

Okay!

From Michael 

Cool! We'll pick you up at 6!

"Hey love." I said, getting out of bed and walking towards the bathroom.

"What?" I heard Gabi's voice.

"Michael and Lindsay asked us out for dinner tonight. They're going to be here around 6." I said, as she shut the shower off and walked out w a towel wrapped around her small tattooed body. She looked up at me and nodded.

"Okay." She said, without any trace of a smile on her face. Or any type of happiness lighting up her face. I sighed and nodded, walking out of our room, down to the front room. Smee jumped onto the couch and meowed at me. I flopped down on the couch and he crawled into my lap.

Monty, who was now bigger than Gideon and Ellie, followed Gabi down the stairs, clumsily. I watched as Gabi walked around to the kitchen. Her long brown hair was messily tossed around her shoulders. She had high waisted ripped jeans on, and a long sleeved striped shirt on, which was tucked into the jeans. She dressed like a mom from the 80s, if that makes sense?

I walked into the kitchen, and saw her standing over the dog bowls. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Gabi?" I spoke quietly, and she jumped, turning around to look at me. Her eyes were widened, but she wore no eye makeup, or any makeup what so ever. Her eyes softened when she looked at me and frowned. "What's going on?" I asked, walking towards her. I had apologized god knows how many times for being upset with her, and her poor choice of words.

"Nothing." She spat.

"There's obviously something wrong." I frowned, reaching an arm out towards her and she pushed it away.

"Nothing is wrong! Don't touch me!" She spat again. I furrowed my brow in confusion and let my hands fall to my side. I didn't know what to do.

I grabbed my keys off the counter and walked towards the door.

"You're leaving me aren't you?" She frowned. I turned around to look at her, her eyes were full of sorrow. She looked small and frail, standing where her feet had carried her. "Why are you leaving me?" She asked against, grief struck her voice. As if I'd done this before. Or it had happened... I went to open my mouth to reply but she cut me off again. "Is it because I'm not good enough? Is it because I'm not Meg? Is it because I can't carry a fucking kid?" I raised an eyebrow at her again. "Is it because I can't have a kid, because my body can't handle it? Because my body is giving up on itself already?" Gabi started crying. I dropped my keys and ran over to her before she collapsed in my arms.

"What do you mean, Gabi?" I pushed her hair out of her face as we sat on the floor, together. She sniffled and looked up at me.

"I've never been able to carry a kid. I'm not fertile." She looked at me, her eyes were sad. Her body felt small in my arms, like she was withering away at this very moment. The look in her eyes made my heart shatter. She seemed broken, and defeated.

"I'm so sorry." I stuttered, I didn't know what to say. I can't imagine how she felt. "When did you find out?" I asked, pushing hair behind her ears.

"Before we left." Her voice was weak, causing my heart to shatter more.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I frowned, cupping her face so she would look at me.

"I didn't want to upset you." She chewed on her bottom lip.

"It's not your fault. It's probably something your biological family had problems with that you had no idea about. I've nothing to be upset with." I pouted, looking at her. As I spoke to her, it was literally like she was slipping through my fingers like sand.

"I'm so sorry, Gavin." She sobbed, throwing her arms around my neck, and burying her face into my neck. I sighed and hugged her tightly, letting her cry into my neck. I didn't have much of a choice, but it was nice to be able to hold her again. I missed her body.

"Is that why you've been pushing me away?" I asked, running my hand up and down her back. She nodded and pulled away to look at me.

"I'm so sorry. I really am." She sniffled, looking at me with sad eyes.

"It's not your fault." I sighed, looking back at her. "Please, don't think it's your fault. It never was, and never will be your fault. I will love you, baby or not." I kissed her forehead, pulling her back into my lap as I rubbed her back, again. She quickly dozed off to sleep.

Having a Gabi Ramsey was much like having a child during their terrible twos. I loved her more than anything but she was more than a handful.

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how fucked up would i be if this was all a dream.

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