I, depression. I, anxiety. [Help Services]

A friend of a sufferer

This chapter doesn't relate to people with anxiety, but rather if you're a friend/relative of someone that has it. These are just things that you should do, and things to also look out for, if you know someone suffering from it.

These are pointers that I would want my friends/relatives to do for me, it would make life a whole lot easier.

-Always ask them before you post about them on social media. Don't just tag them in something, don't just upload a picture of them, it will make them really paranoid. 

-Don't call out their name in public. 

-Don't shout around them in public, as it draws attention.

-Don't have a go at them for making "no effort" with you. There's a thousand things going through their heads daily, most of it is paranoia, most of it is fear. You can't always be first on their priority list.

-If they've confided in you that they have anxiety, never tell anyone else until they give you permission to. Again, the paranoia can take them to dark places.

-Be understanding of their distance. They don't want to be distant, and the guilt of it will eat at them, but they can't control it. Just be there when they feel like talking again.

-Don't pressure them to go out. They will most likely want to stay in most days, and even though that's unhealthy, don't try and force them into a social situation by making them feel guilty about it.

-Don't tell them you're confused because one day they want to go out and one day they want to stay in. Anxiety changes our moods, even by hour. Some days are good, some are extremely bad. 

-Never put them in a situation when they're uncomfortable to explain why they're being the way they are. Sufferers don't like to talk about their condition, they don't like to have to justify something they can't even understand themselves. 

-If your friend/relative is having a panic attack, do NOT make it into a big deal. Don't draw attention to it, don't try and get help (unless it's so bad that they're close to passing out) just sit beside them, tell them to focus on your breathing pattern and gently coax them out of it. Most panic attacks last seconds and the sufferer will come out of it on their own. If that's not the case, then be patient and wait for them to get back to their normal breathing pattern. Having people crowd around them will make it worse.

-If your friend/relative doesn't drive, don't pressure them to. Don't even ask them about it. Driving is something they have to be ready for with time.

-Don't talk about their personal problems in hearing range of strangers. 

-Be mindful of their attitude changes. They might say something to you in the moment that they don't really mean, but it may come out the wrong way because they're annoyed with something else. 

-They'll probably complain to you about the same thing. Whether that be a job they're in, a boyfriend, or someone they need to call to complain about something. You might see a simple solution and will repeat it to them all the time. "Just look for another job." "Just leave him." "Just call them." But, it's not that simple for them, because they're scared of change, and they're scared of making effort. As hard as you might try, you won't be able to make them do it, they have to take that step on their own.

-Don't be angry with them if they arranged plans with you and then let you down. Be understanding that even though they probably want to go, they're having one of their bad days and they'll feel bad enough about it already.

-Don't judge them for their condition. It's not their fault, they're not in control and they can't just "switch it off." Just be grateful that they trust you enough to confide in you about their condition, because that's one of our biggest fears.

-Don't tell them to just "get over it" those words are a form of torture for us. We are shackled to anxiety for a lifetime, there is no getting over it. 

If you or someone you know has anxiety then please PM me with your story. I'll also be holding interviews soon because I want to learn more about how the condition affects other people and I'd like more people to speak up about it. So to be featured in this book please PM me and I'll send you the interview questions when I've complied them. I don't have a date yet, but it'll be within the next two weeks. 

Thank you for reading <3