A little Something (Sequel to Nothing)

Chapter Two

Lauren's POV

It was creative therapy session. Which meant that everyone sat in front of a piece of white paper and we could draw or paint or write or do anything with it. It was my second week in camp and I still hated everything. My thoughts didn't let me sleep much and my anxiety seemed to get worse by the day. I was always shaking and scared and still I heard the other people whisper over me. I didn't talk in group therapy and in solo therapy neither. Nobody could force me to talk. Nobody could make me. But the stares got worse.

While everyone was busy with their task I just stared blankly at that piece of paper. That piece of paper that reminded me of myself.

"Lauren, what is your project?", Our therapist asked me. Everyone looked over and I started to panic again.

I just shrugged because I couldn't do anything else.

"I would..." I started but my voice sounded so unfamiliar and so weird. It was like I never wanted to hear my own voice again.

"What do you mean?" the woman asked. I couldn't even speak without being disgusted by myself. The therapist bent down a little, making me feel even more uncomfortable.

"family." I said.

She seemed to be confused at first but then she nodded and smiled warmly at me.
"I know, honey. You want to call your family. I understand that. But you are first allowed to call or see them when you make progress." As she said that she got up again.

"I'm sure you will find your project."

I didn't. Not in those two hours and after that we had basketball. They said distraction and sports in groups would be really good for our health. But I hated basketball. I hated all of it. And while I just stood on the field suddenly the ball came into my direction and everyone was running over to me. I couldn't stand that moment and so I just closed my eyes pretending not to be there. It apparently didn't work because the next thing I know was that I was lying on the floor. Nothing hurt, well not physical. Many people kneeled down beside me and they were asking me if I was okay. I just nodded and then I could finally just sit on the bench and watch them play.

I didn't tell anybody that in that moment I fell on the floor I saw him. He was over me and he looked at me disgusted. His face was red and angry and he wanted to punish me. It was the first time I saw him after the hospital and still it couldn't be true. Because Lisa said he was in prison. But why should he be in prison when it was actually me who caused everything? When I actually deserved everything?

While everybody was at lunchbreak I sneaked down to the office. There was no one in there and so I run inside and took the phone. As fast as I could I dialed the number and then I waited until I heard that someone was picking it up.

"Lisa" I said.

"Hey, how are you" She asked and the sound of her voice made my heart calm down. I closed my eyes, just enjoying the moment. I missed that voice so much.

"Can you please come and pick me up" I then asked.

Lisa sighed. "You know I can't"

"Why not? I wanna go home. They want me to talk about everything. And I don't want to talk. I can't talk. I just can't" My voice still sounded weird but I wanted Lisa to pick me up.

"You have to try. You have to get better."

"But I won't. Not in here. Lisa, I'm scared." Tears were now streaming down my cheeks.

"I know you are. But you will feel better. Just give it a try." My sister didn't understand.

"Please pick me up."

"Don't ask me again. You know I can't."

"But... but you promised me you won't leave me again."

"I know. But I have to do what's best for you."

"It's not. Please keep your promise. I need to come home. You promised"

"I'm sorry." That's what she said. She wouldn't come and pick me up. She didn't care about me anymore.

"I hate you" I whispered without meaning it like that. Because actually she had a good reason for not helping me. Because she hated me. Because they all do. Because he was right and I destroyed the family by destroying a life. So it was true. I was a murderer and it was my fault things were like this.

And with these thoughts I ended the phone call.

"Hey, what are you doing in here?" A voice asked. It was the secretary.

I was too tired to lie or to find a good explanation. And so I just gave her the phone and walked to my room. I just wanted to go to sleep. And I would have preferred it to not wake up again. But I couldn't sleep because all I could think about was that Lisa must really hate me. And I felt sorry for being always in her way. For making her care for me the whole time. Why was I so disgusting? And so selfish? Why couldn't I just disappear and never come back? Nobody would care. It would be the best for everyone. And still it hurt and I couldn't stop my tears from falling down and from feeling so alone and so cold.

Suddenly someone knocked at my door but I didn't look up.

Did Lisa change her mind?

"Hey Lauren, it's time for your single therapy session." Someone said. I looked at the woman in my room. It was April, one of the manager in this camp.

Not Lisa. Not even close.

"Hey, aren't you feeling so good?" she asked and I shook my head, no. She smiled at me.

"You can talk about it in therapy." She didn't know anything at all. I didn't want to talk about it. At least not in front of all these unfamiliar people. In front of strangers. I want to talk to Lisa. I want to tell her how sorry I am. But Lisa didn't want to talk to me. And therefore she had every right.

"Hurry up! Let's go. Ms. Jordan is waiting for you. It's important for you to go."

I nodded. I wouldn't say anything. I was really sure about that. But I had to go because I couldn't explain why I wanted to just lay in my bed. I didn't want to talk about that ether.

So single therapy session went by quietly. Ms. Jordan tried desperately to bring me to talk but I looked at my hands and played with my fingers.

Why didn't anyone understand that I didn't want to talk about it? That my past should stay in the past and nobody should try to bring it back in the present. They should handcuff me already and bring me to prison where I belonged and then I could just wait for everything to end.

Thank you so much for reading and voting and commenting and everything! That really means a lot to me! The next chapter is almost done so I think about publishing it tomorrow! Again, thank you so incredibly much! :)