She stands in front of the mirror that she’s always hated. Hated because she could only ever criticize herself and want to be somebody else, but this time she looks back and can see a very different side to herself. There was this strange kind of pressure that followed her. A pressure that drove her crazy and she could never understand why she put so much pressure on herself to be cool, calm and collected at every second of the day. Even on her worst days she always had a smile and wouldn’t drop the slightest little hint that something was wrong. She had learnt to hide her emotion and keep only to herself. Her name is Sophie Thorne. Sophie was only sixteen when she could feel her whole world start to slowly fall apart.
It felt as if someone had reached into my chest and ripped my heart straight out. The pain and emotion I felt that day I had never felt before and never wanted to feel again. It was late November on a Saturday morning. Sophie was dressed and ready to walk out the door for work when the phone rang. Her mum answered the phone and she could tell something was wrong. She knew it wasn’t good in fact, the way her mum’s face had dropped and the distant look in her eye, the barely there but there way her voice was getting caught up and how slowly she was taking her breaths as if to stop herself from bursting out in tears. As seconds passed Sophie grew more and more anxious. As her mum put down the phone after what had felt like hours Sophie was told that her great-grandfather had just passed away. He was the one of the most important and most influential men in Sophie’s life and now he was gone. It felt like someone had stabbed her she cried and cried and until she had nothing left. She had run out of tears, energy and her beautiful smile had been wiped straight off her face. He hadn’t been well for a long time and he had recently gone downhill at a rapid pace but never for one second did she think about the day she would have to say her goodbyes forever. The day had come and gone. It was a blur of emotion and memories. She could remember his caring and loving nature, his voice and his touch. All of which she’d never have again. She walked arm in arm with her mum down the aisle of the church. Front and centre was where she sat and where she would stay until she got to say her goodbyes. Bravely read was the poem she had written for him on the Saturday afternoon. Every person in the church could see the emotion and pain that she felt. Not once did she cry while she was talking, as far as she could see not crying during her poem would make him proud, more proud of her than he had ever been before. As the service came to end and the boys processed him down the aisle she followed closely in tow linked with her mum again. As Sophie got closer to the back she could she Claire. Claire had been there for her Aunty Louise since the day they had met. Aunty Louise was on her honeymoon and mum had told her not to come home. So Claire was there as a stand in. When she saw Claire she cried harder and harder until she reached the open doors, Soph turned her face into her mum’s chest and just cried. When it came time to bless Pa with the water her mum went first and then Soph who cried so hard she could barely see, she said her final farewell and walked over to Claire who held her until she could stop crying. They two girls cried together and just stood there both beside themselves. The rest of the day is just one big blur. There were only two people who Soph had told had told about her Pa passing away. One was her best friend, Mollie and the other was her sister from another mister, Paige. Paige had always been her friend. Ever since she could remember she had memories with Paige. She told everything to Paige and couldn’t imagine it any other way. Sophie couldn’t see it then but Paige was always focused on herself and her own life. When Soph told her she said “that’s too bad, hey I haven’t heard from Pete in like four hours. What if he’s replaced me or something” Soph continued on with her day as if everything were normal, putting herself under that same pressure of being cool, calm and collected. Soph couldn’t understand how someone she had known for so long didn’t care that she was upset and need someone to listen to her for a change and let her brake down and not over something as simple as a buy not texting her in the last four hours. Mollie was a completely different story, she was there and let Soph cry not once did she change the topic or even try and get her talk but she just comforted her and let her get it all out and Sophie was extremely grateful. Things wouldn’t be the same for a long time and Sophie knew that and all she wanted was to wake up and have it all be just one really horrible nightmare. It was Thursday before Sophie managed to get out of bed and actually function, Tuesday had been horrible having to say goodbye forever and Wednesday felt like torture but she had made it through it. It took all of her courage but she got dressed and headed to school as normal, even though the whole situation wasn’t close to normal. She didn’t want to face Paige and seeing Mollie would probably just want to make her cry again, she would never forget the kindness and love that Mollie had provided her with during what she thought would be the worst week of her life. Walking through he school gates she plastered that smile on her face and acted as if everything was fine, knowing there was only a few weeks of school left before the summer holidays. Paige approached her filling her in on all the Pete news since she had been away and not answered her phone, several times she had to remind herself not to lose control but just act as if everything was normal, Paige wasn’t continuing on to year eleven and Sophie knew that the two would inevitably drift apart even if she didn’t necessarily want that to happen, maybe it would be a fresh start. Paige was beginning to irritate Soph more and more as the next few weeks passed, she didn’t know how much longer she would be able to continue with her current façade. Paige was constantly complaining that Pete was not responding to her messages and she did not know what to say or do so she nodded her head and muttered responses. The days at school began blurring together with, almost all the year 10 students counting down to the day they would be free of the hell hole called school. St. Pat’s was a nice enough school however after 4 years of the same buildings and teachers things became a bit boring. Mollie had been her support for the last few weeks always making sure she was okay and did not need anything. If it was not for Mollie Sophie did not know if she would make it through the year. Things were getting easier and life was becoming somewhat more normal. Sophie still missed her great-grandfather everyday but she knew she could not change it. Paige and Pete were done and Soph didn’t know whether to be relieved or scared, it could ended one of two ways: 1) Paige not caring and moving on within a week or 2) breaking down and being inconsolable. If Soph knew anything about Paige it was that she would definitely choose the first option.
