The Red Ribbon

Walk

Because it's sunday and we don't have school, we take Dall on a fairly long walk. We headed past the park to the river side. We always let Dall off leash there because we're usually the only people. Occasionally there are other dogs but mostly in the summer. While we're down there we run into someone with a golden retriever. She was really beautiful. Her name Akaya and she was just over two years old. Dall and Akaya got along really well. Chip, her owner, said he comes here every Sunday at this time so we should swing by more often so the dogs can have fun. We all thought it was a good idea.

After a good three hour walk we go back to Caiden's place and drop off Dallas. He was all tired out and went straight for his water dish. The tattoo shop isn't open on sundays or mondays so I don't have to go to work. I suppose it's nice having the day off but I rater enjoy it there. I fit in so well without trying. Everyone at the shop is like family to me.

I made us some soup 'cause we were both pretty hungry. Neither of us spoke much and I'm not sure why. It's just one of those days where we don't need to talk much. Because we know exactly how we feel already. That happens sometimes with us. I clean up the dishes and he goes into the living room. I go over to him once I'm finished and he pulls me onto the couch with him. He tells me to lay on my side and so I do. We're spooning and he gently runs his finger along my neck, what I usually do to him.

"I'm really glad you're talking with me again. I don't think you understand how much you mean to me," His voice is soft but broken. That hurts me. I feel like a jerk and I don't know what to say so I keep quiet. "You know, when you do that to me, I shut down. I don't really go out. I don't throw parties. I hate talking to people I love. Do you know why? Because I'm missing you. you're such a big part of me and it's as if you were ripped out."

Now I really feel like a bitch. I don't know what else to say but sorry. So I do and he tells me it's fine. "It's not fine, Caiden. You wouldn't have been hurting so bad if it was fine. I also do this to you. To everyone. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ruining everything. All the time. I'm sorry..." I feel like shit now and I probably will for the rest of the day. He runs his fingers from my neck to on my stomach. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me closer. We both end up falling asleep.

When I wake up and hour, a half has passed and he's still asleep. I slip out from under his arm and go upstairs to make his bed for him. I decide to call Nellie to see when Nolan will be going home.

On the third ring her mum answers.

"Hello?"

"Hi Mrs. Caladine, it's me, Forest. Is Nolan over?"

"Oh yes. Let me get him for you, sweetie."

The line is silent for about two minutes and then I hear Nolan's voice.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Nothing really. Still at Caiden's. I was wondering when you and Blossom would be home."

"We'll be back in about a half hour. Sound good?"

"Yea man. I'll see you then. Don't go home any earlier 'cause I don't know if John is there or not okay?"

"Okay. See you soon."

I jump in the shower and pull my hair up into a knot. I throw my clothes back on and Caiden is still asleep on the couch. I leave him a note.

Hey, I'm gonna go back home cause Nolan and Blossom will be there soon. Thanks for everything. Give me a shout later on, okay? Maybe we can go to the park or something. Hope you slept well.

Forest.

I give Dallas a treat and some fresh water. I lock the back door behind me with the spare key that's always under the mat. I get home in about fifteen minutes. No one is home which is good. Maybe John went out for the week or something. I call one of his friends and ask him if he knows where he went to. He tells me they told him that they went downtown and planned on staying there till next Sunday. I thank him and hang up. I was glad to hear that.

I go upstairs and search his room for cash. It's always just laying around and he never realizes it's gone because he never keeps track of it. Once I finish searching, I'm left with about $1100 and 6 tabs of acid. I'm assuming that's how he gets his money but I've never asked and I don't plan on it either.

Nolan and Blossom come home shortly after and go to their rooms. They must've fought over something on the walk back because neither of them are in a good mood. They go to their rooms and I let them be.

I decide not to cook dinner because I'm not very hungry. I grab an apple and go to the living room. The furniture is in need of replacing and the walls, a new coat of paint. Our house isn't the nicest but it's better than nothing. As I sit there I get lost in my own mind but within a few minutes the sound of the telephone interrupts my train of thought. I go to pick it up but the ringing stops.

I finish off my apple and toss out the core. I make my way up to the second floor. Blossom is silent in her bedroom like usual so I decide to leave her be. Nolan on the other hand sounds as though he's writing a song on his guitar. Lennon taught him to play a few years ago. Nolan would get so upset that he couldn't get it perfect but now he sounds almost as good as Lennon does. He's a fairly quick learner.

I continue up to my room. The stair creak with every step. Just like our porch The only difference is that I don't have to worry about our floors caving in. When I get to my door I lock it behind me. I missed my friends but I want to be alone tonight. I take out the acid from my pocket and put it inside a teddy bear that had his nose ripped off. It's a rather good spot for it.

I put on In Utero and lay in bed. I always listen to this album all the way through, from the first to last song. By the time Pennyroyal Tea my eyelids feel increasingly heavy. It's as if my eyelashes are made of lead. I slowly let them shut and drift off from the real world.