I feel bad, I feel bad for feeling bad. After everything I thought I'd be ok and be successful but I'm not, I'm lost. Ever since I was little up into now my life has been complete shit, mom diagnosed with cancer, and just numerous other things that piles on that makes my life more shittier. I honestly don't know where I'd be if certain people wasn't here, I'd be completely lost with out them. I hate dragging this on so I'm just going to straight to the point. I had a blood work done a few weeks ago and I just went to the doctors after school yesterday to find out the results, and what I found out was life changing. The doctor had said I have a liver problem and that my LD ratings are really high, now a normal person for my age should be around 0-20 or 0-30 and my LD rating was 50. So the doctor said there only could be a few reasons as to why my LD ratings are high, he said one reason could be because of drinking. Now I'm going to admit, I had an extremely bad addiction to alcohol but I recovered and now I've been clean for a while but not everything is perfect and once when you do something wrong there's always a consequence. The doctor wasn't sure about the alcohol part but he said it could also be because of diabetes or cholesterol. My father has severe cholesterol problems and my mom used to have diabetes, maybe not anymore but she used to, which makes me acceptable to it. So he said in 30 days we're going to re-do the blood work and if it comes out the same rating as before well then I have to go to my primary doctor and see what's exactly wrong or what to do. But if it comes out normal then I don't have to worry about anything but still the fact that I'm going through this is indeed life changing. If there happens to be something wrong with my liver and I have to treat it or have surgery well I'm not going to do anything about it or for it. You see I don't know why but I'd rather ride the pain then fix it right away. I had a nightmare last night about all of this and my nightmare was that I died. Hopefully I don't have anything wrong with my liver but if it happens to be because of alcohol well then I'm definitely not going to do anything to treat it in any way shape or form. If it happens to be diabetes or cholesterol I still probably wouldn't do anything to treat it. Here's why....... I've done and gone through shit that no one else should, I've been nasty towards some certain people who tried to help but I pushed them away. I deserve to suffer from this because it's what I get from doing stuff and being nasty towards who cares about me. I honestly don't know what to expect from this point but it's scary.
Sincerely,
Michael Vianey St. Nicholas Navarro-Grennor
