The Dream Guy

"Don't you think it is about time you get settled down? Find yourself a good man, move in, have kids. I don't know... Be happy?" 

My mother does not understand that I have already found someone. She does not see that I have in fact been madly in love since the day I turned 14. I already am settled, I already am happy. I already have a man and no, he is not just good. He is perfect. 

One day he was just there. I cannot truly explain how he came to me or exactly how I felt in that moment. I only know that from the moment I first laid my eyes on him, I knew that this would change everything. I knew that from that moment we never again be apart. And so we have not.

He is mr Right, the one and only, my lover, my soulmate, my heart. He is my dream come true. He is smarter than anyone I know, kinder than a baby deer and funnier than the biggest clown on earth. He comforts me in my worries and distracts me when life becomes too regular. He brings me joy and challenges me beyond compare. I cannot imagine my life without him and I so dearly wish that I could tell my mother about him. But I cannot. She would never understand. None of them would.

And so, he must remain a secret. My secret. Is it dirty? Is it small? No, it is neither of those things. Every day I get to live in a dream. Every day I get to be with the one I love and I get to feel loved. So many people in this world never get to have either of those things, but I do. Who cares then how I get it? Who cares that I can only touch him when I close my eyes? What does it matter that no one else can see him, when all that is needed is for me to see him? Because I do. I see him as clearly as my father, when he toils away beneath his car and I feel his hands around my waist as clearly my mother's soft hand brushing through my hair. I hear the flutter of my heart, when he makes laugh and I feel the wamrth rise in my cheeks, when he makes me blush. He is as real for me as everyone else is.

I must admit though, even dreams can become too true. Some days I do find myself wishing I could go back. Go back to the moment I found him and chose another path. Just to see where I would end up. But we can never go back. This is my life now. My life of dream and reality slowly melting together until the veil between the two becomes thinner than a single strand of hair. 

Like any other relationship I have sacrificed parts of myself to make it work. I have given him time and energy, love and admiration. I have given him more of myself than I ever thought I would and I do sometimes worry that it might have been too much. Yet, I have done so because I know that I would not be able to live without him. I have become so independent on him that I think my world might shatter if I try. Because you see, he is always there. He protects when I walk home late at night. He helps me fall a sleep at night and keeps me company when I cannot.

He is my companion, my one and only, my love. My dream guy. We have been together for so long now and I have sacrificed so much. But in the end it has all been worth it. I wish that we could be like everyone else. That we could go out for dinner at a restuarent or make out in the back of a cinema. I wish that I could bring him home and introduce him to my dad, while my mom questions me in the kitchen. I wish that I could walk down the street or through an autumn-struck park holding his hand while I laugh to my heart is content. But that was not meant to be. That was never my future. Him. He is my future, my present and my past. And although I do not get to walk through that park, I am holding his hand as we walk along this veil between reality and my dreams.