Captain America Bucky Barnes Winter Soldier Steve Rogers Fan Fic - The Constant

Chapter Eighty-Five: If Wishes Were Horses

She hesitantly comes forward. "I thought I would just make a sandwich. Would you like one?" she asks Steve, and he shakes his head. She clears her throat and looks at Bucky. "How about you...Bucky?" The name sounds foreign on her tongue. She wants to call him James but she has not heard anyone call him that.

He looks up and straight into her eyes. He wants to say so much: they haven't talked since she came here - the odd hello, but nothing that really mattered. He has so much he wants to tell her. He has so much he wants to thank her for. He could lose himself in those large beautiful eyes and he cannot speak. Instead he just shakes his head and stands up.

"Please don't go," she says quickly and then realises what she has said and tries to cover it, "I mean, don't let me chase you away if you're..."

"You're not. We're finished." Bucky's voice is hard, so final. He looks at Steve and nods as if Steve has spoken. He puts the bottle in the recycling bin and goes to leave. Steve does the same, but pauses to touch Freya's arm.

"Are you all right?" he asks "How're you feeling today?"

Her smile is brittle. "Fine thank you." She turns away and goes and opens the fridge. Anything to get away from them.

She looks back at them as they turn their backs on her and watches them leave. She turns back and gets some cheese out of the fridge and bread out of the bread bin and makes a sandwich. She pours a glass of water and then sits down at the table, food and drink in front of her.

But she does not eat, instead, she remembers. Remembers meals times where they have sat and eaten together, just the two of them. Times when she has watched him eat, times when she has been content to just sit there quietly with him. Her own food, forgotten now, sits there on the plate untouched.

"Hey, you going to eat that?" a voice breaks the peace and she looks up, not realising where she is for a second. It is Natasha. Freya tries to smile, picks up her sandwich to eat, but then puts it back down untouched.

*

"I'm not hungry," you say. You stand picking up the plate and throw the food in the bin.

"You should eat something. You're looking too skinny," Natasha says, and you nod just to agree with her and end the conversation. But she continues. "What are you doing this afternoon?" she asks.

You shake your head. "Nothing."

"Fancy some fresh air?" and immediately she sees the fear in your face which you try to cover. "You have to go out sometime, you know."

"I know..." you say and walk away from her, but just before you go around the corner you turn back to her feeling you have been rude. "I will. Sometime. Just not now, not today." And then you leave her in peace and head back to your room.

*

"There is nothing you need want for," Pepper had said to you when you were feeling well enough to get out of bed and walk around. "Just let me know if you need anything."

She sees by your face you will ask for nothing. She has already tried to fill your wardrobe with clothes. You were dead set against it but finally gave in and you now have a selection of black tee shirts, black polo necks and jeans. Not to mention underwear, nightdresses, and a dressing gown. Trainers and even a pair of slippers.

It is not what Pepper would have bought for you, if she'd had her way.

"Why don't we just get a selection of tee shirts in different colours?" she had asked, and you thanked her and said maybe later but for now you would feel more comfortable in what you are used to.