I arrived at the hospital around 5 p.m.. I sat in the cold, plastic chair across a table from a plump nurse taking notes as my parents tell her all about my "problems". As if they would know what my problems are.
I was getting angry, so I zoned out. I only heard bits of the conversation. Words like "cuts", "anger", "distant".. Occassionally, they spoke about my cleanliness issue.. I was diagnosed OCD some time ago. Most of the time I do okay. When I'm depressed or anxious though, it goes into overdrive.
I freak out. Everything is dirty, unorganized, I can't step on a Crack in the side walk, everything has to be alphabetized and there has to be an even number. I wash my hands constantly. Most parents would be overjoyed to have a teen like that. Not mine. They act like it's a disease.
Right this moment I can feel every inch of the cold plastic chair under me. I feel like uncomfortable. Who sat here before me? How often are these things washed? I'm thankful to be wearing jeans, so my bare legs are not able to touch the chair. Although, now all I want to do is take off these jeans and wash them.
"Lainy, are you ready?" The plump nurse asked me.
"Ready for...?" I had lost track of the conversation.
"To say goodbye to your parents and come back here with me." She says evasively.
"Goodbye parents who do not care about me, and want to push me away even more. Enjoy your vacation away from the crazy daughter!" I say sarcastically.
"Lainy Marie!" My father warns, but I ignored him. I'm already out of my seat following behind the plump nurse. Ready to be away from them.
The "hospital" wasn't what I was expecting. I thought it would be like old psychiatric hospitals: everyone is white hospital gowns, people drooling in themselves, shock therapy rooms.
It was clean-looking. White walls. White ceiling tiles. White floor. Lots of white. White gives the illusion of cleanliness. Probably for people like me.
I follow the nurse who has now introduced herself to me as Nancy. Nurse Nancy. Somehow, it fit her. She leads me to room 142. It's an even number. I'll except it. 242 or 424 would have been ideal, but we can't always have perfection.
"Lainy this is your roomate, Tisha." Nurse Nancy announces motioning to a slim, dark haired, tan girl who was laying face up on the bed against the left wall. The girl doesn't move.
"This here is your bed Lainy. Your parents are supposed to bring you some fresh clothes in an hour or so." Nurse Nancy continues.
"Why didn't they bring clothes when they brought me? They knew they were dropping me off here." I respond hatefully, not wanting to think about my parents.
"Well, we have certain criteria for what you are allowed to have. Make yourself comfortable. Dinner is in an hour. You have some free time until then. But i will need your shoes." I reluctantly remove my shoes and hand them to her. She accepts them with a smile and then leaves. I sit quietly on my bed, wringing my hands
"You can't have shoelaces." The girl named Tisha says out of nowhere, causing me to jump.
"Oh. Yeah. I supposes that makes sense. I'm not suicidal though." I shrug. "Not today anyway."
"Doesn't matter. No shoe laces, no belts, nothing with a clasp u could use as a weapon." Tisha says.
"Well that should take my parents some time." I say sarcastically, allowing myself to fall back on the bed and trying to turn off the part of my brain ordering me to shower and demand fresh bed clothes. How do I know they washed these before I came?
"Don't worry; it's not so bad in here. I will be leaving in five days or so." Tisha says.
"Awesome. How long were you here?" I ask, more to see how long I would likely be imprisoned than out of any sense of real caring.
"About four weeks." She replies.
"Four weeks?!?!" I snap upright. "What about school? Some of us have a 4.0 to maintain."
"Consider it a vacation." It's Tisha's turn to shrug. "If you have important finals or whatever they will escort you to school to complete them. I know it's close to end of year, so I suppose it depends on how long they keep you."
I cannot miss school. This is getting ridiculous. Why would my parents do this to me?! They know I have to be at school. How will I ever go Ivy League stuck in a place like this?!
Tisha and I sat in silence for a bit. She seemed pretty laid back. Just letting me adjust I suppose. I take a deep breath. Just stop thinking about it. The anxiety is kicking up now. I feel like crawling out of my skin. It's like I can't control my thoughts. I want to start punching myself in the head. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. I jump up.
"You wanna show me around?" I ask Tisha, my words coming out too quick.
She doesn't look like she really wants to, but she slowly rises. "I guess so."
I follow Tisha out into the hall, where we take a right. I follow passed lots of other rooms. Then we come to a room with a big safety glass window.
"That's the arts and crafts room. They think making it open will help our imaginations or some such crap." Tisha says without stopping. We walk on. She shows me the shower room, the cafeteria, a t.v. room. She starts to head back to our room but there is another hallway, and I am not ready to be in that room yet.
"What's down here?" I motion with me head.
"Behavioral unit. Most are on drugs. You'll meet some at our meetings, because most of them also have psychiatric problems." Tisha says. "We can't go down there though. Off limits. The guys hallways are down this way. It's also off-limits."
I hadn't noticed that hallway before. Both hallways were shut off from "our area".
Soon it was dinnertime, and I sit with Tisha. I'm thankful she invites me to; I'm kind of shy and don't like social situations.
Tisha introduces me to the four other girls she sits with. Tabitha, Tami, Candice, and Ashley.
A group of boys sits at the same long table as us, but farther away. The girls are chatting away. Talking about this and that, which boys they like, which they don't. They also talk about how lucky Tisha is to be going home soon.
"What'd they bring you in for, Lainy?" Tabitha asks me bringing me out of zone.
"A lot of stuff I guess." I say staring at my tray and moving the spaghetti they've served me around on it.
"Not much of a talker are you?" Candice says.
"Not really." I answer because it's all I can think of. I'd like to join the conversation, I just don't know how.
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A/N
So I hope you are enjoying! The story gets more interesting I promise! Please comment and vote!
ŞİMDİ OKUDUĞUN
WillowCrest
RomantizmLainy is being sent to WillowCrest, a local psychiatric and behavioral hospital. She is upset. Don't her parents know she doesn't belong here? She isn't crazy! She just needs love... and understanding....
