A necklace of emotions

To reach your heart

I know we are meant to each other. It is destiny. That is why I hate this god-damned reunions: here I am not allowed to love you without restrictions. They wouldn’t understand, I know. But looking at you, from this side of the salon, I can’t help but remember yesterday when it was just the two of us.

—Do you really love me? —I asked, as I usually do. And your answer sound like the most beautiful melody in my ears, accompanied by the voices of angels, because our love is beyond this world. I would love hear you shouting it in front of anyone. It doesn’t matter that you don’t do it, you always insists; anyway I already know that your heart is mine alone, you keep reminding me. Why, then, you have to deny it in front everyone else? This separation —temporal, as you say—, is just to dispel suspicions; but it makes me feel that your heart is drifting away from mine.

I feel an incessant tingling on my hands that keep begging me to reach out for you. Why, if we love each other so much, must I just look at you from the distance in this stupid and fancy parties, where the invisible wall of the morality and socially acceptable of this foolish social class, won’t let me get near you?

I wonder, which of your lovers attends this occasion with you? I don’t know the woman you are talking to. I always knew I am not the only one. Maybe she’s the one. The one who is in every family picture, the one you introduce to your family and friends. The one who is usurping my place next to you before society.

Yet, I decide to walk to you. It feels like the path is infinite; each step makes the room larger and larger, it seems I will never reach you. I have always feared I’ll never reach you.

My brother tries to stop me, approaching sneaky. He takes me firmly by the elbow but I barely listen his voice over the noise of the music and people conversations.

—He will never belong to you —he says, but he always says the same and I will never accept it—. You can find a better person. —but I don’t care about his warnings and fight  to release myself from his claws that only want to take me away from you. Why there are always someone trying to take me away from you?

When I almost reach your side, doubts assail me again. You told me that I have to wait, that this is not the moment; but it is never the right moment. It have never been the right moment in all this years, not before nor after that usurper arrived. I’ve been revolving around this decision, planning what to say, and stirring my closet looking for the right clothes to get your attention. You always get angry at me for how a look. Aren’t you impress with me tonight?

When I finally get by your side, you welcome me with that charming smile that melts away any doubt. It’s not difficult to get rid of that woman, talking about unknown things for her. You and I are an all-new universe that no one else understand.

I glad that you want to talk with me, away from the bustle. I’ve been missing you so much and I have a surprise for you.

 There it is that smile of your again! And the way you look at me, in points where you know that makes me melt when you fingers touch me softly. Your seduction methods won’t work this time, I won’t lose focus in my plans for tonight, but I can play along with your pretty lie.

In our way to our usual place, I can’t contain the emotions you evoke in me, is not easy being next to you, with my head resting on your shoulder and your hand stroking my thigh. I’ve missed so much the softness of your lips, your wet and warm tongue caressing my skin; I wish to drink the poison from your mouth and let you sink in me until losing myself in the music of your moans. But each time, after we fuse in one, you abandon me and I’m nothing but a wounded little bird left to its own luck, without no one to look after me.

You know how much I suffer when you leave. How can you be so cruel and abandon me? You, my one and only; you, my everything; my god.

You take me, use me and then you get rid of me.

Loving you has been hard. You have taken me to heaven and then brutally let me fall to the ground. I’ve been yours, like caged bird, singing for a cruel master who barely feeds me with crumbs of love. It never mattered to me all the thing you’ve done and have injured me; I was there, in my cage, patiently waiting for your return, to sing to you again with all my soul.

I matters not, I know you love me regardless. You and I are meant to each other. It is destiny. The only thing I am going to do is to hurry up the process, and make sure we are together from now on. I’m only trying to help the destiny.

Finally, we are alone and you ask me, “what do you want?” while your lascivious look glides over my body. You know what I want, but the knife brakes when crashes against the sternum. I keep trying and trying, but all my attempts to reach your heart fail, they always have failed. “Do you love? Do you really love me?” I ask you again and again, while tears run down my face, but you don’t answer me.

It doesn’t matter all the things that have happened lately, I know you and I are meant to be together. Our hearts are just a half of the other that were cruelly separated, but now it’s time to be a whole. So now burn, my love, burn like me, until we are ashes together to be one. This time we will be together without the fear of other people find out about our love, nor physical barriers standing between us.

I take you, held you and loved you.