Curing Me

Chapter 1

Curing Me

Chapter 1

I stared out the window, my chin curled in my hand as I watched the clouds carefully. I always enjoyed watching the clouds and if you concentrated really hard you could see them slowly move across the sky, slowly as a snail. I liked to make shapes out of them as well.

One looked like a bear, its mouth open as if it was roaring and its paw up like it was going to attack. I smiled and closed my eyes, imagining I was jumping on the clouds. I imagined how they felt, softer than a pillow, fluffy than a rabbits fur. The clouds were yummy to eat as well; they tasted of sweet cotton candy. I placed the cotton candy on my tongue and the cotton melted-

“Bonnie, Bonnie”.

My daydream was cut short by Mrs Edwards’s cranky voice; I knew I was in trouble.

“Sorry, Ms I was just-“I explained frightened and my voice loud and squeaky.

“Bonnie, stay behind after class, we have to talk”. The class oohed like I was going to get in trouble.

The class did not like me, mainly because I shared my opinion and that hurt people feelings a lot and I say what I thought a lot and that also hurt a lot of people’s feelings. I wasn’t a nerd or anything, just average. I’m also socially challenged and I can’t even start a conversation without making things awkward.

No one understood me.

The bell rang loudly, startling me as I started gathering my books. The class left loudly, cheerfully like they lived the perfect life. I haven’t felt the rumble or laughter, or a touch of a smirk on my face for a very long time, just the frown that followed me each day.

The only person who could make me laugh was my mother, she would say ‘turn that frown upside down’ and that gave me the giggles for some reason but then she had to die, the only person who made me happy, that I could trust died. Mum was my best friend.

After that I never learned to trust anyone, I avoided any sign of life, even animals because eventually they would die to and leave me. Everyone close I had left me.

I once had a puppy named Sadie, a white Labrador she was. She made me feel safe at night once I moved in with my foster parents out here in Tennessee. She would lie at the bottom of my bed as my foster parents would fight. She followed me around everywhere, not leaving me.

Once when my foster father, Ken yelled at me and smacked me across the face because he thought I was a useless being that never did anything around the house and Sadie bit him on the leg. He took Sadie outside and I never saw her again.

I stood at the teacher’s desk, wondering what she wanted because I could really care less.

“Bonnie, are you alright?” the teacher asked, worry smacked on her face.

“Yes Ms I’m fine just tired that’s all” I lied. Nothing could be fine; nothing in my life was fine. I had everyone at school hate me like I’ve ever did anything wrong to them, my parents are dead and my new foster parents hated my guts.

“Bonnie if you ever need me, we can talk or you can go to the school counsellor”. She thought I needed a counsellor? What did she think I was crazy or something, all those counsellors are just there to judge you, like I needed anymore judging.

“I don’t need your help and I’m definitely not going to see a counsellor” I shouted, tears trailing down my eyes. I stomped out of the room, leaving miss with a shocked face.

I stomped out of the room, tears streaming down my cheeks. That’s what I usually did these days…cry. I was known as the baby at school and at home. What? Did I just call where I lived, home? The only home I had was living with mum.

My dad left mum when she was pregnant with me and it’s just me and mum ever since until she died of course.

It was when the day was dimming into night that I was ambushed by a bunch of girls in my history class. Katrina and her princess pals. I was walking on the sidewalk, just minding my own business where they all started to crowd me.

“Well, well Bonnie” said Katrina who was walking past.  She was one of my closest friends until we started high school is when she changed into a bratty snob. She betrayed me, I told her everything and one day she backstabbed me.

Her shoulder barged into me with great forced, making me fall to the ground, my face hitting the concrete. I didn’t feel the pain though, I was numb. Numb from the pain.

I stood at the edge of the cliff, looking down at the water. One step and that would be it. I would be free from the pain, go to heaven and be with mum.

I’ll be free…

I took that step out, but the fantasy of being free was broken by someone holding me back and making me fall over on top of them.

It was a boy, he had brown hair, tanned skin and very muscular. I stared into his eyes making the situation awkward, like I said before,  I make things awkward.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I yelled, hopping off him and wiping the mud off me.

“What am I doing, what are you doing?” he yelled back with the same tone I had.

I walked over to the edge of the cliff, sitting down, my feet dangling on the edge, dirt falling into the water that lay beneath. “I don’t really know anymore” I replied, looking down at my hands, ashamed.

He came to sit next to me, the same look on his face. “Me neither”.

I guess he wasn't much different than me.