its never been hard for me to get someone, boys flooded to me like waves in the sea and still do... and that its easy because boys always make the first move, they will ask you out fist the will hold your hand first they will hug you first, and kiss you first... but the truth is I have never loved a man... when I was younger I never was interested but I was pressured in to relationships, when I got in to secondary again it was like I had to have one, and I did it was easy but the fire you always have at the start the passion would always fade no matter what something was not right... I always looked at girls and told my self that it was wrong. on YouTube I became obsessed with the LGBT community when it was still small, and was denying it... one day my mum asked if I was gay and my sister and her looked at me waiting for a reply they got one , I got so defence saying how could they think that I just like and support the LGBT community, they weren't convinced but left my alone anyway... my mums always been supportive of the LGBT community so I did not have a hard coming out experience unlike some people do which I was grateful for... I first came out to my best friends boyfriend and one of my ex boyfriends, I came out as BI and told them I was not sure yet and not to tell anyone I told my best friend and one of my mates but word got out I was BI now I was not bullied for it but I still freaked... once I had settled with the idea i worked up enough courage to tell my mum, i told her, her first response was "are you sure?" i was relived i told her i was sure and that i just wanted to tell her, she was cool with it and life went one... but i still was not happy and became obsessed over little lesbian ships and tried to like boys still but it was not working so i ended up saying i was lesbian... i was much happier this way, i told my mum again and she's said "no matter what you are or who you love, i will still be proud of you and love you" i was content the only problem is people once some of the girls in my form found out they asked my best friend if she was scared of me and said that they would be, that really brought me down because i had, had such a good experience it ruined it for me a bit... i dated a girl at my school for a couple weeks and then we broke up she was having a ruff time and it just wasn't working out we are good friends now and are lesbian wig men so we can help each other with relationships so that's cool.. soon after i fell in love with this girl, and we texted and she flirted for me to only find out she did not love me and that she wanted not relationship... this shattered me never before had i been rejected, i cried for 3 hours straight and was depressed and suicidal for 2 months because i had never loved anyone like i loved her words could not say how much i did, i cut my self and carved a love heart in my arm because i was so broken never before had i felt like this what made it worst was that i saw her everyday at school, soon after 3 months we became friends but i was still in to her no matter what i did i could not get over her, 1 year in and now she's like a sister almost, I'm the only one that can hug her and we always hang out and roast each other life is good... all my friends are going trough ruff times and i still have random times where i can be fine and the suicidal again, i found out i am autistic, i have had stomach ulcers, i have dyslexia and dyscalculia, I'm always tired and i have a lot of problems with my joints but I'm not complaining, i try and stay happy no matter what... my goal in life is to make other people happy that's why i do theatre, i want to be a comedian and i want to start a band... I'm 15, i struggling with my gender so call me whatever pronouns you want, so now you know a bit about me I'm going to be do a journal type thing about my life, i don't know how long i will do this for, but i want to do this i don't expect people to read this, I'm just doing it for me and anyone who want to see life through my little gay eyes... anyway if you do desire to read this welcome this is my life....
