Love Me Back?

Chapter 1- i havent been honest..

Joes p.o.v

Today started of normally. I woke up at 4 am and scrolled through #Jaspar on instagram imagining me and Caspar together. Thats right im Gay, and my eyes are for caspar. I got up and ran up the stairs to sit on the sofa and watched tv on low making sure i didnt wake Casp up but unfortunately that didnt work "budy why you up so early?" Caspar came and greeted, my eyes stared at him, his blue eyes shone like torches and his abs were carved perfectly, "oh um i couldnt sleep so so i came up here" i lied with a sly fake smile plastered  on my face. He bought it and grabbed a glass of water, "remember Joe your going to Zalfies today and im going round Casey's house tonight so" Caspar winked at me, i hated Casey. I was Jealous of Her. The thought of her having caspar to herself doing whatever i dont wish to think about made me sick and sad. I faked a smile and nodded, thinking about how much i hate to admit what they are doing tonight.

As soon as i heard Caspars snores again, i rushed to my bathroom and opened the cabinet, i pulled out one of my many razors and added another line to my collection and watched the blood drip down. I quickly washed it down the drain like Caspar drained away our relationship that will never happen. I packed my stuff, by that i packed 1 set of clothing, joggers, cigarettes, a lighter, two chargers and one razor. I got my keys phone and wallet and set of into the newly morning light.

On the train, a lady came up to me "hey Joe! My name is sarah!" She said with a smile on her face " hey how you doing?" I asked her as i normally would, " im great! I was just wondering if i could ask you on your thoughts of #Caspey?" She asked me, my smile dropped and turned fake, i hated it, all i could think of was Lies and i gritted my teeth " i i i i think if caspar is happy and and its his choice th then i like it" i stutter wishing she would leave, she then thanked me and dissapeared through the sea of people. I sighed and got of and got in a taxi.

Arriving at Zalfies i knock on the door, i decided today would be the day i told Zoe the truth, Zoe awnsered with a big grin in a pink jumpsuit, the second she saw my face it dropped "Joe whats the matter?" She asked concered taking in my bags, " can i tell you in a seperate room?" I asked, worried about how she would take it, she nodded and took me into the Garden, " whats the matter broseph?" She asked sitting on the swing bench, i took a breather and said " i havent been entirely honest..." I said looking down water fourming in my eyes, "whats happened Joe? Is it a girlfriend? Mum and dad? Me? Whats wrong?" She asks me, not having a thought of what i was about to tell her " no zoe umm..... I i i.... Im Gay" i said instantly regretting it and started crying, zoe started crying with me and pulled me into a hug " its okay Joeseph Sugg i still love you, i will always love you and never judge you. Im very very proud of you" she said hugging me tightly " zoe i i have two more to make" i say to her letting her go, "please tell me Joe, but dont worry im very very proud of you" she says reassuring me, " i i i i love Caspar" i look down, "awe Joe my Jaspar heart..." Zoe said but then her face over washed with sorrow and guilt realising about Caspars Love Life and hugged me again " i can only imagine how much pain this is causing you" she said sniffing and crying between each word. "Umm about that" i look down and pull up my sleeves revealing cuts, fresh and old. Zoes face drops and tears start flooding down her face like fountains "Joe Fucking Sugg please stop! I love you so much Joe! Stop doing that to yourself its not good! I still love you and im super duper super sorry about caspar but you cant do this to yourself! Did you bring anything?" She says looking about with tears still streaming down her face, i nod and guide her to my suitcase, as i open it Zoe spotts all my razors and cigs and instantly  bins them " Joe, i will prepare you a hot bath that will calm you down, in the mean time... I think its best you make a coming out video" she says then dissapears upstairs. Well here i go.

I set up my camera, took a deep breath and pressed record,

" hey guys its me Joe.. Today im doing something i didnt thought i would be doing... And that thing is coming out. Im gay. I didnt wish to hide it from you forever and i wanted to be true to you guys. Sorry to the girls who said they would marry me but im into boys. This is extremely difficult for me to make and thats all i wish to tell you. I will see you this sugg sunday special with Zoe" i turn of the camera and breath in. What if Caspar sees?

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Heyyyyy guys,
This is a small story im doing and its not going to be the longest because im focusing on 3,000 miles but i got this idea from a story i will try and find you❤️ i hope you enjoy so far and i will finish this one❤️

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