Fallen Raine {Completed}

Chapter Twenty-One - And Then There Were Four

   “Because!” I yelled, my voice loud and high-pitched and hysterical. “When we came here, you had just finished doing the dirty deed with a girl in the public toilets! Then you act all casual and arrogant, with your snide remarks and your stupid comebacks that take about fifteen minutes to make sense of. You think you’re the ‘It Boy’, and nothing seems to ever faze you. And now we’re all dying, and you’re blaming everyone else for it. Your plans were the ones that got people killed in the first place! Who knows, maybe you’re the killer!”

   By the time I had finished my spiel, I was bright red, breathing heavily, with wide eyes and trembling lips. My chest felt heavy, and my throat was thick and hoarse.

   River looked disgusted, confused, hurt and appalled all at the same time, and his jaw was clenched in anger, his amazing blue eyes flashing.

   “So you’re just gonna pin this all on me, huh?” he replied stonily. “When something goes wrong you never own up to the problem. You can’t face it so you run off on your own and go cry in a toilet. And when you come back, you act all high-and-mighty and pretend that you’re Miss Innocence. Blame someone else so that you don’t have to deal with anything. You’re pathetic, Raine.”

   I knew I deserved it. Of course I deserved it. After what I had said to him, it came as no surprise that he would retaliate like that. I hurt his ego, so in turn he would hurt mine. It was fair. I should’ve expected it, and I shouldn’t have been angry. Because he was right on all accounts. I was acting like a little girl, wafting off on my own and then being mad at others when they did the same. I had no right to be making accusations and pointing fingers and hurting people. It made me no better than Steve. So of course I deserved every word River had thrown at me carelessly.

   But it still hurt. More than the sharpest knife or the hardest punch. It was like my heart was breaking and shattering into tiny little pieces, even though it had absolutely no right to.

   I don’t know why. Maybe I was just in a fragile state; maybe I couldn’t handle being picked on. I’d never really been bullied before; therefore I didn’t know if I was strong enough to handle it. I hadn’t been taught to be stronger.

   River was saying it how it was, but I couldn’t take it.

   “Blame it all on me,” I said quietly. “Tell me it’s my own fault, and that I can’t face up to problems. You can say it all. But that doesn’t change the fact that we’re all being killed. You’re gonna die; I’m gonna die. We’re never gonna see the sun again. Yeah, maybe I can’t face up to the problems. Maybe I can’t deal with it, so my coping mechanism is to turn away and run off and cry like a little girl. Fine, I admit it. Does that make you feel better, River? Does knowing you were right make you feel better? Is being right gonna save our lives? It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong in this situation. Being right; it’s not gonna save you. It’s not a wild card to survival.”

   Before I knew what was happening, my legs were carrying me towards him, as if of their own accord. I stopped when we were inches apart, and stared into his mesmerizing blue eyes that burned with an unidentifiable emotion.

   “Being right isn’t going to protect you,” I whispered. “No matter how right—or wrong—you are, there’s still no hope. So take your moment of glory and be right. Does it make you happy, River?”