Burning Ember

Who Am I

When you wake up in the morning I'm sure you're supposed to remember your name, aren't you? I mean I always remember my birth name of course, it's an unusual one and definitely hard to forget. Ember Rossi, that was and is my real name. But today I wake up someone else. Zara Cooper. Plain and simple and definitely easy to forget.

The flat smelt of burning coffee and fresh orange peel. I sat, miserable, on the edge of the creaking kitchen chair. My eyes tired. I stared at the deep green walls, wondering if we'd have enough time in this town to actually settle and maybe even paint the walls. But that was probably not going to happen. Because we moved around a lot, being in witness protection and all that shit it was kind of a given. And of course it was a horrible way to live, especially for me as a seventeen year old girl. The biggest worry I should be having is if that guy in chemistry class likes me... but no, I have to fall asleep every night scared that I would wake up to a gun between my eyes. Brilliant... I know.

I'm here with my older brother, Ricci. But apparently he's my dad now. Disgusting.
We had to change our lives and stories so much we're kind of forgetting who we really are, that's the worst part I think.

''You ready for school?'' Ricci asked as he set a mug of milky coffee before me.
I sighed.
''So excited,'' I squealed sarcastically, sticking my middle finger to his face.
His shoulders dropped.
''I know it's shit Em, but you gotta get on with it."
I bit my lip.
"My name is Zara today...We're the Coopers now, did you forget?" I smiled cheekily.
"Go get dressed you shit..."
I punched his forearm before standing to walk to my corner room.
Ricci was going by Jason Cooper now, which didn't suit his sallow skin and dark Italian eyes. Jason Cooper sounded like an asshole, and Ricci was a straight forward level headed guy.
I guess that's why he put half our family in prison. He was never into the whole 'mob boss son' deal, he didn't like violence or constant murder.

I stared at my face in the cracked mirror of the bathroom. I had my brothers eyes, dark and wide. My hair was a deep shade of brown, and my skin lightly olive tinted. My lips were plump and my thighs were thick... I was without a doubt an Italian daughter. I traced my lips with my finger as I gawked at myself. Feeling tears at the back of my eyes. I sighed.

"Who am I" I whispered. But my reflection didn't know.

I splashed my face with icy water. Tying my hair to the top of my head before I pulled on a grey hooded sweatshirt and baggy jeans. No makeup and no effort. I know... I really don't sound like a seventeen year old on her first day at a new school, but really I had done this too many times to start caring now. I huffed before taking one more look at my reflection and flinging the bathroom door closed.

"You want a lift to school?" Ricci asked.
"Fuck off Jason you ass" I chuckled, blowing him a kiss and stumbling out the door.

The sun hovered in the air yet the day was cold, a light breeze carrying the dry leaves across the ground. I adored Autumn. We were staying in apartment blocks, and not the nicest looking at first glance. Groups of teenagers loitered around and the smell of weed always seemed to hang in the air but I liked it...sort of.
I guess Bonney Lake won't be such a bad town after all.
Only if I kept my head down this time.
I began my walk with the weight of the world on my shoulders...
"Your name is Zara Cooper" I whispered to myself.
"Your name is Zara Cooper" I repeated.

It was about a half hour walk to school, but I really didn't care. It gave me time to gather my thoughts, and make sense of them, really. I followed the pavement to a playground, the swings flowing in the light breeze that cradled the day. I set myself down, pulling a cigarette from my pocket.
I inhaled the smoke, my eyes glued to the bright cobalt sky, tears slipping from my waterline.