How their getting on

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Simons been gone for 3 days, no one seems to have changed they are all just carrying on with their lives like normal, except they don't seem as happy
Simon was the heart of the sidemen and he's gone
I feel like the boys are hiding the sadness
I'm the only one who shows it I feel like I cry myself to sleep every night
I miss him
No messages from him
It's like he's blocked us out of his life, I just hope he's happy
-Simon PoV-
I have been gone for 3 days, I feel different
I haven't sent them not messages and they haven't messaged me
I have kept up with their YouTube channels they are uploading like normal and seem happy enough
Except Lucy... she's the one I care about the most
No uploads on her channel
No Instagram
No snapchat
Only one tweet from the day after I left
It just says some painful things are happening and she needs a break
What makes it worse is it's my fault

Anyway I'm starting to wonder if Venessa is pregnant she's not getting any bigger and she is completely normal no sickness or anything
I don't think she would fake it

Today Venessa is going for her first scan, she didn't want me to come
I don't know why apparently she wants it to be a mother and baby moment
I'm going anyway
If she's going to have my baby I need proof it's actually there

I don't know what I will do if she's faking it
Obviously I will have to go back and apologise to the boys and Lucy but I don't know if they will let me back in the house
I completely ditched them
They are the reason I am who I am

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