Found Dead

Introduction-Distance is good

I've always been a distant person. Never really there, but understood what was said and asked of me. I just never bothered to listen. I would hear someone and just shrug, or give no answer at all. I never spoke to anyone but the voices in my head, which told me things my therapist would ask me to do the opposite of. Things like cut, die, kill others, they're quite convincing and now, I've listened to one of those things. Die. I am dead, I killed myself by drowning. My spirit now free to do what I want, tempt others to join this freedom, assassinate those I despise, and haunt the jail my parents called home.

My parents aren't like other parents, they torture their own children, eat trash from this so called 'marketplace', and force others to either die or join them. You guessed it, they're a part of a really bad organization. I can't say which one or my wonderful siblings would be in danger. I lived in Fujairah, Uae, around the Fish Market. The year we moved there from Iraq was 1958. Now it is 1960 and I don't have to put up with my parents.

I walk the beaches of the land America, wishing my parents would have moved here instead. I guess it was the lack of money that brought them to Fujairah. I hated my parents, I still kind of do. But one memory still won't leave me. The day they found me. It rolls around in my head like a dead fish, often giving me a headache.

The looks on their faces, horror, shock, disgust, and...joy? That's what made me never want to return. After what I saw that day, I'm happy I left them. They're happy I left, so I will never return. I love my current (immortal) life, I do what I want, when I want. I can eat, have, and write anything. Although, I miss my therapist. She said something that kind of clicked. Which was this: "For everything you have missed, you gain something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something else. It is about your outlook towards life. You can either regret or rejoice." I couldn't stop thinking about that one thing, months I thought about what it meant, when I should have been thinking about why it mattered and how it related to me. Finally, after I have already died, I found out what it meant, and why it related to me. Which is why I miss only one person in my former life. She is the only person in my former life that cared about me.

It's odd to think about, really, there was one person in my former life that cared about me, but for others have hundreds of family and friends, followers, that would go with that person to the ends of the earth. Those people are lucky, they have no reason to cry or to be angry or distressed, they have everything and I had nothing. Now I can have everything, but no one to share it with, no other spirits to join me in my exploits. I've tried to deal with it, haunting my parents, and tempting others to join this same fate, but they choose to leave me and go to this so called 'Heaven' which apparently I'm not worthy for. I've heard of Hell, which a few have gone to instead but they say the same. So I'm stuck on earth, half and half, to stay here for eternity, forever alone with no one to share this fate with.

I guess distance is good...