I'm just ranting

Every reason why I hate myself

Okay reason number 1. All I do is fu€k up. I never say the right things, like ever. When I'm nervous I laugh and it's never good especially what's going on in my life right now, but I'll get to that in another chapter. I cannot just do things right for once! The ONLY good thing that comes out of me is when OTHERS people's self esteem goes up because I'm so bad.

Reason number 2. I'm too sensitive. I cry over everything and I HATE it. I've always wanted to be strong and just let go of all my problems, but I can't. I'll stay caught up on something little that happened 3 days ago and still be waking up in the middle of the night being worried about it. I also get SUPER angry at people really easy. I've been working on it, but when you have to count down from ten and tell yourself that they're not worth it over holding your stuff away from you that's pretty bad.

Reason number 3. I'm AWFUL at relationships. I'm not a good girlfriend at all. As a matter of fact idk why my boy friend is dating me. I think it's because he pities me. I mean come on! He's soooo sweet and he's smart. How do you get that combination these days? He's also a natural at making others happy, while I just make everyone depressed and upset. When he gives me a compliment it's really hard for me to just take it. Obviously I don't let him know that because it's rude, but you guys don't know how bad I just want to deny him every time he says I'm beautiful or amazing. He also gets me stuff all the time and I'm super broke so I can't get him anything. Not to mention he's SUCH a romantic and I'm just too awkward for him. It's sad and I'm probably just dissing my self, but he doesn't really love me like he says he does.

Reason 4. I let people walk all over me. Yah I'm super opinionated and that gets me into some things, but more often than not if someone is putting me down I just roll with it. I join in on the insults and tell myself that everything they're saying is true. I've been bullied since I was in 3rd grade, and now I'm 8th grade it's not as bad but people are still jerks. I'm pathetic and there's no one out there who could convince me other wise.

Reason 5. I complain a lot. I know me righting this is stupid, but it proves my point. I always have something to complain about. I can't help it. I'm not a glass half empty kind of person, but I don't have the most positive out look on life. I can't just except the good in life and move on. For me it's just never enough. If your nice to me and I've had a bad day I'd complain that not everyone is like you. If I make a good piece of art I'll always find something out of proportion. And I am ALWAYS my worst critic.

Reason 6. I'm just plain ugly. I mean I've been told I was ugly since I was little and sometimes I can't help but believe it. As a matter of fact I don't ever believe that I'm really beautiful, but that kind of goes along with being my worst critic.