Her Smile. (The Last Guardian)

A/N Important & Sad :(

Hey.

So I just wanted to tell you a bit about me and what happened maybe 30 minutes ago.

So, hey, i'm Grace but I like to be called Kyra.
I'm a 12(almost 13) year old girl with Diabetes.

Diabetes is a type of illness that has no cure.

When someone has diabetes, they have to basically live with needles.
Sorry if you don't like and or are scared of needles.

Everyday, I have to poke a small needle into my finger using a pen type thing, and draw blood from my finger. Then I have to take the blood and insert it into what I call 'meter meaty face' aka a diabetes meter.
Then it reads my blood sugar.

For the past few years, my blood sugars have been mostly in the 200s or close to that. Which is bad.
Having my blood sugar in the 200s or close to that mean my A1C will go up. And if my A1C is worse than it was last time I went to my diabetes doctor, I might have to move to another family.

By another family, I mean a family that I don't know, in a town I don't know, with people I don't know.

That's scary for me.

I love my Mom and Brother to death, even my drunk ass smoker of a Douche- I mean Dad..

Diabetes is more than just the blood sugars though, it also has to do with 'insulin'.
Insulin is a type of liquid in every humans body. Everyone produces in through your pancrius/pancreus. (Idk how to spell it) (Pain-Cree-Us). For diabetics, we can't produce insulin like everyone else, so we take shots in our arm/thigh/stomach/butt.
For me, it's easier to take insulin through the stomach, but i'm getting 'hard spots'. Hard spots are spots where I can't take insulin, the needle won't go through the skin of the hard spot to give me insulin. Because of that, if I put the insulin in that hard spot, my blood sugar will go up, you get what i'm saying?

Anyways, the doctors have found a family that will take me if my A1C is bad.
I really don't want to leave.
I don't know if they have internet so I can write on wattpad.
I don't know how long i'd be living there if I am taken away.

I will miss you guys if they make me give up wattpad.
I will miss my friends.
I will miss my family.

Everything is so blurry right now because i'm crying.

I don't want to leave.

I want to stay with my family.
I want to stay with my friends.
I want to stay with you guys.

I want my diabetes to go away.
But it won't.

Every night I cry myself to sleep because I know that this is not a dream and that this is real and that I can't change this. I can't make myself better.
I try.
But I always fail.

I try to pretend my diabetes isn't there.
But it is.

I only learned that I might have to go to a different family two days ago. That's why I haven't been posting anything.

I'm sorry.

I know what can happen to me if I don't take care of myself.
I can die, have a stroke, a heart attack, I can go blind, I can loose my limbs.

And I don't want that.

I want to live.
I want to have a happy life.

But I'll never get that. I'll never have a happy life.
So in real life, I usually put on a fake smile and act funny. For the sake of my friends.

At school, I feel like everyone is trying to get me to die.
No one really talks to me unless it's one of my close friends.

Like LustlessDragon/PizzaFriesMicah, she has always been there for me.
Even when I feel like killing myself.
She's there.
She might not say the right words, but she's there.
And she cares.
So does my Mom, Brother, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa.
They all care.

Even if my Grandpa is dead, I know he cared when he was alive, and he still cares.
I know it.
I know it..
I know it...

I don't know why, but a few years ago, I loved myself. I didn't think I was ugly or worthless like I think now.
I wasn't depressed or suicidal.
I was.. happy..

Now, I hate myself. I think i'm ugly, worthless etc..
But people say i'm not.
And I try to believe that.
But I can't.
I feel ugly in everything I wear.

I just.. hope i can stay with my REAL family.
I don't want to leave.

When I was little- in elementary school- I was absent at least once a week because of doctors.
I have a lot wrong with me.
And I know that.

I have 'Golden har' a dieses that not many people have.
About 1,000 or so people in the world have it.
And i'm one of those lucky people. (Sarcasm)

Golden Har is the reason I can't ear in one ear, I'm half blind in one eye, and I have five holes in my heart.
I guess you could say I came out of my mom with a broken heart eh?
Heh.. Jokes..! (Trying to cheer myself up... Not working)

Yes, I have five holes in my heart. You read that correctly.
They are patched up, but it's been 12 years, and they are starting to peel, which is bad mind you.

I hope you can forgive me for crying while writing this.
I'm just really emotional right now..
Heh, this authors note is longer than my normal chapters... Heh...

Okay, bye then.

Stay Strong.
Please.
I don't want to lose you.
:)
:(
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