Trapped

Opening Up

When I finally decided to wake up, I heard the sounds of people messing around below. Voices I once knew floated to my ears, chilling me to the bone. It felt wrong to be upstairs, trying to avoid being seen while everyone else remained clueless to my where-bouts. I was torn between staying up here, and marching downstairs to launch myself at my old friends. Though, I was still upset with them for leaving and not keeping in touch like they promised, I knew I could never stay mad at them forever. I loved the guys with every fiber in my body, even after years of no contact.

Matt was once my hero; a big, intimidating teddy bear that I adored. He watched me like a hawk whenever I was around, more like a personal bodyguard than an overprotective brother. He used to give me everything I wanted, and because of that, I have to admit; I was somewhat of a spoiled brat growing up. The only thing I wasn't allowed to have-though I fought him on it-was a boyfriend. If I wanted one, he had to be approved of by Matt, and then, I couldn't prevent my brother from kicking said guy's ass if he hurt me. Matt was notorious for his bad temper, but I was what Jimmy and Brian called his "mini-me." My temper could flare, but that was so long ago that I doubt I still have that quality.

Matt was one of the few that I looked up to, but I stopped years ago, when I no longer heard from him. It was that fact alone that made me lose hope in ever escaping from TJ. Looking back on it now, I understand my brother was only trying to have a life of his own. As for the others, I was only their band member's baby sister; I didn't matter much.

I realize now how naïve I was when it came to Brian Haner Jr., all those years ago. I thought he hung the moon; that's how crazy I was about him. He had all the right words to say to make me weak in the knees. His smile, thin lips and all, gave me butterflies nearly every time I saw it. His smirk drove me wild and his touch-well; he almost always left me wanting more. I couldn't get enough of him, ever.

We always flirted with each other, but it never went much further than that; until the night before he left for tour, eight years ago. We allowed ourselves to get lost in the heat of the moment, and to this very day, I don't regret it. I thought I loved him then, so it wasn't completely wrong, but we still had to hide it from people. We didn't want it getting back to Matt, who wouldn't think twice about punching Brian over me. He would never allow Brian and I to get in a relationship, so we were forced to flirt behind my brother's back, or when he wasn't around.

I miss my best friend, too. Zachary James Baker was always my chubby teddy bear with pretty green eyes. I adored his gentle and sweet demeanor. He hardly ever allowed his temper to get the best of him, like my brother and I did, but when he did; he had a temper to rival the best of them. Zacky's lisp, that he only sometimes acquired, managed to always put a smile on my face when I heard it. I probably missed him and Jimmy the most of all out of the guys. Zack had a tendency to get hyper, and when he did, he came up with crazy ideas that usually got the both of us in trouble. Jimmy also joined in on the mischief most of the time. Sometimes, I found myself thinking of Zacky in more than just a friendly way. It was his smile, his eyes, his silliness, and his all-around good guy behavior that always got me to feel that way. It was his insecurity that I hated about him; I thought he was great the way he was, but sadly, he thought differently; due to horrible people from his past, he became Mr. Vengeance on stage.

Jimmy always knew how to have a great time. He never failed to make someone feel special. Jimmy was wild, crazy, and amazing all in one package, and I loved that about him. Jimmy, unlike Zacky, was mischievous all the time. He knew how to prank people like a pro. He also almost always knew how to make you feel better, even when you were at your lowest. Jimmy could always make me laugh-hell, he could make anyone laugh. He could be intimidating, though, when he wanted information out of you, or he was mad. Jimmy was not one to resort to violence, but he did have a violent range of colorful language when he was upset. He was my sidekick-a mischievous friend I never got tired of. I missed his upbeat attitude and always smiling face. He was a ray of sunshine that I longed to see in my world of darkness.