i don't normally rant about how i actually feel about what's going on with my life, i always stay quiet, but i feel like that's making it worse. i need to express myself so i'm writing this.
i don't even know where to start.... i feel crying whenever my parents criticize me and tell me i have a problem. i really do. i have many. they tell me one day i'm going to become mental, and i'm scared because i don't want to be like that, but honestly, i don't know anymore.
i want to cry with someone, but my real life friends probably don't ever care. no, ignore the probably. they don't care. they just shrug it off or maybe even smile. and i don't want my family to see me cry, i don't want them to think i'm always depressed (even though i'm not depressed, i just feel sad here and there).
now tomorrow i start school again and i honestly don't want to deal with negativity. friends who probably don't care, teachers who annoy you, being stressed out because of school work and keeping your grades up so you won't disappoint your parents again, and blah blah blah. i have bad grades and it's so difficult to bring them up. i feel so stupid and i really am. kids in class know a bunch of things and i'm here confused about everything. i'm too embarrassed to ask a question so i don't seem stupid in front of everyone.
the only things that make me happy are k-pop, my internet friends, youtubers, and k-drama. possibly maybe even kid shows and kid toys since i'm that childish. but sometimes i just feel like staying in a room by myself, hugging the covers and not doing anything.
i don't normally write these types of things.... but i keep having breakdowns and i need to start expressing myself more..... maybe not that much....
