Break Away

Chapter 1

I never enjoy anything.

I'm always waiting for what's next.

I think everyone's like that...

Living life in fast forward.

Never stopping to enjoy the moment.

To busy trying to rush through everything. 

So we can get onto whatever we are really supposed to be doing with our lives.

I get these flashes of clarity.

Brilliant clarity, where for a second, I stop and think, wait, this is it, this is my life. 

I better slow down and enjoy it because one day we're going to end up in the ground.

And that'll be it.

We'll be gone. 

Growing up, a little boy from Arizona , I had a normal life. Whatever normal meant. Yeah, it was hard but life went on. My parents fought a lot... They always said not to worry and that everything would be okay. Look where not worrying got me. Of course, with my luck, when I was 6 they split up. Mom said we were moving but Dad wasn't, as a kid I was confused. Bouncing back and forth was hard for me. Not for my sister, she didn't bother making a big deal out of anything. As we grew up my sister, Makenzie, blamed our mother for ruining our family. I couldn't do that, Mom wasn't happy and now Dad was in denial. 

I try to distance myself from my dis-functional family as much as I can but I still love them, I have to. I always told myself once I can, I'm so out of here and here I am, 19 years old, still living with my dad, dreading to go see mom ever since she got remarried; ... He is such a jerk, mom says she's happy but what she doesn't know is I see the bruises on her arms, always fresh.. always getting bigger. I wait so very patiently for Makenzie to come home just so we can get through all her success stories, her and dad arguing about mom, and Makenzie snapping at me for asking if she wants to go see mom with me but no.. that's always out of the question. 

I just want to go start my life, I'm tired of sitting in the same old house day by day and thinking... what's next, and never doing anything, never moving on with my life. One day I will. I know I will. 

I have dreams sometimes... Nightmares almost.. I see me dying of natural causes, hopefully, in this same old room, same posters, same bed... even the same books on my book shelves. How do I live with these dreams? How can I even live with myself? I have to get out of here. Makenzie has been trying to get me to apply to college, you see dad's a writer,  a great one at that, he hasn't wrote since mom left but he was so talented. Makenzie is too, that's why she left, she's in college now, she even has a book published, shocker.. I write too.. Nothing good. 

College. College... College. No matter how many times I say it out loud I just can't get my head wrapped around it. Maybe I should, maybe it will give me a head start in life. i'll talk to dad about it at dinner.. I'm sure Makenzie will be absolutely thrilled by the idea. She'll ask me a bundle of questions every few minutes always turning the subject back to me going to college ,  me actually putting my writing out there... Maybe this is a bad idea... Why did I even think of this in the beginning.. Oh yeah... I'll just wait and see what they say. 

Dad refuses to make dinner alone, if something goes wrong he needs a witness. I guess you could say we have a system? I cut celery while he gets the turkey ready, he cuts the carrots while I get a bowl, I hold the bowl and he scrapes the celery and carrots into the bowl, he puts the turkey out on the grill and i cut lettuce, while following each other around the table he gets the place mats and i get the plates, he gets the small plates and i get the bowls, he gets the glasses and i get the knives , he gets the forks and i get the spoons, then he gets the turkey and starts cutting while i set the other food dishes in the center of the table and wait for Makenzie to start pounding on the front door as if she doesn't own a key or even remember there's a spare key under the door mat. 

Once dinner starts, we don't talk much.. dad takes a few bites and asks me if I found a job yet. We small talk back and forth leaving Makenzie out of it. She cuts us both off and loudly announces her new book is a huge hit! Dad congratulates her and I ask why I have not gotten a signed, hardback copy yet, in a sarcastic tone. She mearly states that if I got out more I would have gotten one by now. Dad snickers to himself quite loudly. 

A few minutes go by and I ask Makenzie what good colleges are around here. Her face lights up the questions pour out of her mouth like cuss words coming from someone accused of murder and going to jail when he never committed a crime in his life. She was going insane, at this point I was about to back out of the whole thing before dad said, "He's a very endowed, proficient writer." How would he know? He shouldn't be reading my writing anyway, it's private! I was livid! 

I was frightened to even ask when he found the time to go through my computer and read anything, I knew if I asked I would get a creepy remark like.. when i was sleeping or something.. I just couldn't hear that, I woulkdn't sleep for days if I had. So I didn't. I just went with it and said thanks. Makenzie was.. confused. She knows dad and she knows he said he would never read our writing without asking and she knows me.. which is creepy because shes my sister but we're just close like that,  she knows I worry about people reading my writing because I'm worried about someone not liking it or using what I write against me somehow.. Yeah I'm paranoid but that's just me.