Broken Horse

Chapter 7 - Sergei

"I can go and grab you something or I can make you something. You need to eat something." Those hands rested on her knees waiting for an answer, an escape, something and it was probably meant to come from me. Did I ask her to stay? Did I tell her to go? She was a student of mine and this interaction should have never happened in the first place. I knew better and I think she was dealing with the same internal battle.

Shaking my head, I turned my look to the door wishing she would make her own decision and walk out. I wasn't strong enough for this right now. I wasn't able to handle the way she made me feel. For once in my life, I enjoyed the feeling of having her curled up to my side, her head on my shoulder, and her hand tangled with mine. And for once in my whole life, I never had my heart as full as it was with her beside me even though she was just there because of the news I shared with her.

"I have plenty of food. It is all in the kitchen." Cupping my hand over my jaw, I looked back at her knowing I was in the wrong. She would have left if I just sat there. Her body stiffened as her eyes drifted over to the large stone fireplace in the middle of the open area and then over to the front door. "You do not have to be here. I should not ask you to be here. You may go if you would like."

Pushing up to my feet, I made my way around the table and headed to the door myself. She would want to go. She wanted to go. Her bottom lip was tugged between her teeth again and her hands were shaking. She wanted to run out the door and never look back.

Just as I made it to the door, my hand on the handle, a smile spilled over her face as she nodded. Making her way to my side, she reached up, pressing her lips to my stubbly cheek causing her breasts to brush my arm. Heat slammed through my body, gushing through my veins as I pulled in some air that was mixed with the coconut after aroma of shampoo.

"I would rather you stay and cook. Do you cook?" Damn, Sergei! What the hell are you doing? She was ready to leave! You should have let her leave! Pressing my lips together, I needed to open that door and escort her out, but I couldn't. I needed her to stay. I needed her comfort. I wanted the comfort she gave to me earlier. What would it hurt just to have her stay a little longer? Maybe I wouldn't be tempted to go fill my liquor cabinet and drink myself numb. Just to get past this deep regret I had of losing my father and not being able to see the signs that were displayed right in front of me.

"I can cook... not as good as my mom, but I learned a thing or two along the way." With her hand on my arm, her eyes filling with the compassion she held inside of her damn near took my knees out from under me. "Come on. You can tell me where everything is and I will do the work."

Covering my hand on hers, I looked down at how small and gentle it was, how she was. Swallowing hard, the lump just grew in my throat knowing this was a bad idea. Having her in my house was a bad idea. This had to be the only time I allowed her in, that I would allow anything like this to get this far with her, or anyone for that matter.

"If you need to talk about him, please do. I wouldn't mind listening. It might help with the pain you are holding in." Her other hand came up to do something, to maybe take my cheek tenderly and show me that she did care, but she dropped it before ever making contact.

Closing my eyes, I sucked in a deep breath of her intoxicating scent wishing that contact was made. How would it feel if she did take my cheek in her hand to give me the comfort and the compassion I desperately needed? But it was best she just didn't. I couldn't let it fill me too much to where I really crossed the lines with her.

"Come on. I need to get something in your stomach." Her eyes glistened as she motioned to the room.

Leading her around the large stone partition, I watched her eyes look over the kitchen. The long table sat to the back of the room, a granite topped counter was in the middle of the wood flooring, and the counters were along the wall with wooden hanging cupboards that matched the stain of the floor. A two door stainless steel fridge was to the far left and the stainless stove was in the middle of the long counter leaving the sink to the far right with the dishwasher down to the left.