with love, eliza

june nineteenth

11:34am

Four months into her 26th year, Eliza Alice King was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It was terminal. The girl was given around a year to say her graceful goodbye to the world.

Of course the diagnosis wasn't given to her until it was too late to do much about it. She was young and seemingly healthy, guilelessly assuming her abdominal pain was from her period, and her weight loss just meant her metabolism was better than it was.

Although the devastating news didn't usually break her stride, at least in appearance, some nights as she fell asleep tears would soak the cotton sheets over her. Lonely in her cluttered bedroom, only the inevitable future lied before her to comfort her.

Eliza began to master the art of blocking out her premonitions. When they arrived in her mind late in the night she would lean over to focus on the perky petals of the flowers lying daintily in a vase on her bedside table. Those daffodils bring us to the vigilant boy whom holds Eliza's heart.

Thanatos Odysseus Walker was a mess. He mainly concealed his grief and tears from Eliza, for he knew if he showed too much emotion she would distance herself from him. To Eliza it seemed as if making a space between them would make the gunshot wound of her death heal quicker. But of course, that couldn't be true, even she knew quite well if she shut him out it would only bring more pain to the both of them. Besides, he would still reach their doorstep each day after work to see her face and bring her home flowers every Wednesday. Just the thought of being apart ever again could put either of them in a cold sweat. Which is why this situation was beyond torture.

Eliza placed herself on the foot of the bed and let her feet dangle over the edge. Light conversation echoed through the house. Slowly, she breathed in the salty morning air wafting from the open window. Most mornings would begin this way, familiar voices bouncing off the walls and Eliza internally debating wether she should just lie in bed forever. Which some days she basically did, when the times came where everything seemed too heavy. But of course, the alluring smell of her favorite coffee draws her out of her bed every time.

Just as she suspected, Thanatos laid sprawled on the couch with Sebastian watching some movie Eliza couldn't recognize. A mop of blond curls falling into Thayne's eyes as he looked up at the sound the old floorboards moving underneath Eliza's weight. He perked up and reached out for her hand, pulling the brunette to him and kissing her gently. "Sleep well?"

"As good as ever." She smiled down at him.  Anyone could tell how delicate he treated her, though it was how he had always treated her, even before the expiration date. 

When they had first met, as desk partners in the fourth grade, they couldn't stand each other. Thayne was obnoxious, sang annoying rock songs Eliza couldn't bear listening to. She used to insist he would busy himself with something far away from her while she got her work done, with a promise to do his in exchange. Eliza was too mature, especially for Thayne, she'd use big words he found stuck up, and would refuse to laugh at a single one of his jokes. In time though, they were able to find each other bearable, and eventually he kissed her at their eighth grade graduation.

Daylight streams on Eliza's face as she walked further towards the kitchen, old floorboards creaking underneath her weight. She draws an old handmade mug out of the cabinet and pours some sort of coffee into it.

The thing about mornings in an unostentatious coastal town is how it always seems as though you have the entire suburb to yourself. Waking up to nothing but the sound of ripples sliding against an unblemished shore. An apathetic summer haze blinds the residents relentlessly through the whole year.

Eliza seemed to know every person on the coastline, though it wasn't the hardest thing to do. Growing up, bundling and following her dad to join the other fishermen on early mornings. Sitting politely and elated as everyone checked gear all around her, she had gotten to know each and every one, and would spend her weekends learning to bake with their wives. She used to dance vivaciously around the garage, with her father and his closest friends preparing fishing lines for the next day, while The Zombies played tranquilly on vinyl. They would drink beer until they got mouthy and her mom would call her inside to get ready for bed. Eliza knew her mother wanted her dad to be better, they had met at some bar in Salt Lake City in their mid-twenties. Eliza's father was only visiting for a few weeks, but they had fallen in love instantaneously, and he somehow convinced her to pack up and come back to Oregon with him. They quickly after had Eliza, and just as quickly as she had fallen in love, Eliza's mother's dreams faded into evanesce.

Eliza had always held with her to not let anyone come in the way of her dreams, no matter how much endearment she held for her father, she didn't want to be like her mom. But as she came to realize, it no longer mattered. There were no dreams that anything could get in the way of now that she knew she wouldn't get past twenty-seven. After she was diagnosed, she packed up her apartment in New York and booked a one way ticket to her hometown. Eliza had called Thayne late that night sobbing through the phone, all he could do was stare, shellshocked at the ceiling, silently bawling as he listened to her. He drove to the airport eight hours before her flight landed and sat in the car waiting, weeping until he was incapable of crying anymore, and occasionally hitting his steering wheel in vexation. Eliza and Thayne had been on and off for a few years, they knew that they didn't want to mess up the propinquity they had before they were ready to get married, but they were always in each others lives.

Now they were living together, in a small beach house down the road from his parents bakery, Thanatos had bought when he came back from college in Seattle, explaining to his family that he just wanted to stay on the coast. He was seemingly convinced he would get some professional surfing deal competing with ASP in Tillamook County of all places, but Eliza admired him for it.

"Liz, I brought some banana bread Callie made if you want some." Sebastian offered, gesturing to a gaudy yellow plate on the kitchen counter. Eliza had gone down a few sizes since she started losing weight, so it seemed every other day someone would bring her homemade food. Though it came from the best intentions, she couldn't help but judge herself for it, or see it somewhat as an act of pity. But still, she appreciated all the free food regardless. She thanked Sebastian sincerely and ate a couple slices to please him and Thayne.

Eliza's eyes locked with Thayne's and for a moment she could've sworn she saw tears in his eyes before he turned away and got up to open the sliding door.