Playground [Frerard AU]

SIXTEEN

"I don't get this film."

"Nobody does, I think that's kind of the point."

I rolled onto my back, borrowed pyjamas finding every uncomfortable nook and cranny in which to nestle. "All I know is, Jake Gyllenhaal is fucking pretty." I sighed. A small part of me was saying this to cajole Gerard into pouncing on me again; another huge part just thought Jake Gyllenhaal was cute.

"Yeah, he is," Gerard said quietly, and even though I couldn't see his face I knew he was frowning slightly. "Good actor, too."

I flipped back over, "Are you kidding?! He's fucking superb. I mean, where's the Oscar, for fuck's sake? Where are the hundred Oscars?!" I ranted. Gerard nodded, frowning this time in frustration with the Academy, or whoever the fuck. "Anyway, what's with the bunny?"

"That's you!" Gerard grinned. I looked at him quizzically; it may have been 2am but he had sobered up and it was not late enough for these shenanigans. Gerard looked awkward. "I mean, his, uh, his name's Frank. Oh, just shut up and watch!"

Sighing, I decided to do what I had been thinking about for hours, but had been too nervous to actually do. Shaking, I reached over to Gerard's folded hands and settled mine over them. In all honesty, there was something about Gerard that made me feel more confident than I ever could before. He made me feel interesting, like if I spoke it might actually be worth something. Of course, my grandma loved me and she wanted to hear what I thought, what I felt, but she couldn't quite coax it out of me very often. There was something about Gerard, an empathetic aura of sorts, that made me want to lay my heart a little barer than I would normally. My heart wasn't quite on my sleeve with him, but maybe it was beginning to lay in my front pocket. I wrapped my fingers around one of his, like a baby learning to touch.

He didn't look at me, but a smile grew on his face and he accepted this touch, gripping my fingers like a second, more awkward baby. Without alcohol, our true affection pulled at the reins of worrying about what the other person thought. I thought back to being with my mother, that unconditional love that transcended pictures; being with my grandma, the loving hold of an elderly lady who understood but didn't quite understand; being with my father and the cold distance like two people making a beeline for the same final loaf of bread, one a victor and one a bitter failure; being with Gerard's father who had that same come speak to me, you're safe with me thing about him that his eldest had; and finally being with Gerard. That first silent meeting with an equally silent feeling of camaraderie that I'm not sure he even felt. I wondered what he thought about us as two people. Not as a couple, not as friends, but as two similar souls. Did he think that we were alike in the same way that I did? Beyond our quiet, awkward demeanours? Did he even consider either of us quiet and awkward? They were the nicest words I could think to describe myself at the time, but perhaps that said more about my self-esteem.

I had been quiet for a long time. The innocent clasp of our fingers had not moved, and I felt calm. My heart was racing as fast as my thoughts, but I felt calm. Suddenly, I stopped overthinking and laid my head down in my arm, peaceful and feeling Gerard's eyes finally on me.

-----

I woke up in the same position I had closed my eyes, but now there was a blanket on me. No pillow, just my head cutting off the blood flow in my left arm. Gerard was gone. My body stiff, I pushed myself up and walked around the room, worrying about Gerard convincing his family to sell the house and move away in the middle of the night, leaving only his belongings and the echoed words of "Do you want some coffee?"

My phone buzzed aggressively underneath my jeans on the floor and I realised that that's what woke me up. After locating it I was greeted with the unpleasant news that I had five missed calls from my grandma, with another call on the way. I answered it groggily.

"Frank! Thank the Lord you didn't die in the night, not that that would have been an excuse to not answer your damn phone!" She scolded.

"Sorry, grandma, I must have been sleeping heavily. Do you need me to pick something up from the shop or something?" I answered sheepishly. There's nothing quite like an old Jersey woman giving you a talking to, even over the phone.

I could hear her falter. "Uh, no, honey, I don't need anything except you to come home right away." She said, hurried all of a sudden. "Right away."

That's when Gerard walked in, having obviously just showered. I gestured that I was on the phone, and anxiously told my grandma that I'd leave immediately. Gerard's previously content face fell and he twisted the belt on his bathrobe in his hands uneasily. "Is everything okay?" He asked.

"I don't know," I replied truthfully, "She didn't have trouble getting annoyed at me for not answering her calls so it can't be that bad, but she did sound kinda off."

Gerard nodded, "I'll walk you home?" I was grateful; I wanted to see him for more than two minutes in the morning.

-----

My first clue was the sticky handprint on the front door, the size of a six year old's hand. The second was that the door had been left cracked open, even though my grandma was never hasty enough to leave it open. I pushed it gingerly, looking back at Gerard, who looked blank. He didn't know what was coming.

Three loud voices could be heard in the kitchen, one Spanish and angry, one New Jerseyan and angry, and one Spanish and giggling at my cat.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, my fucking dad is here with his fucking wife and their fucking kids." I cried, stopping at the doorway. Gerard swore under his breath and sighed shortly, taking my hand for support. I gave him a tight smile because I really did appreciate the gesture and need the grasp to keep the world steady, and I know that he knew that. "What the fuck is he doing here?! He just expects us to fucking-- Jesus Christ, we only have two fucking couches! Where the fuck does he expect to fucking sleep? And those fucking kids, man. I bet she's gonna grab that fucking cat by her fur. Fuck!"

Gerard squeezed my hand, "C'mon, I'll kick him out, you know me and my incredible strength, charisma, and confidence." He smiled at me and I breathed deeply, letting him guide me to the shouting and watching him nudge open the kitchen door. All of a sudden, he was my rock.

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A/N: lmao HI i just finished high school forever... im currently in between school and getting a job, so until i get one im bored af !! i still knew my password for this so i thought i'd crank out a wee chapter. hopefully u like it ! any feedback is v much appreciated ! love u

jamie