Words Behind Silence✔️

Kissing You

Let me be honest with you

I am no flower

I don't humbly give myself to souls who seeks the feeling of being craved, yet at some point. My Pure heart had weakened its strength from the poison of curiosity

I'm a woman. A woman with insecurities and secrets. I live and laugh and play, and though my easy going life- I had mistakenly lost the gift of my first kiss

To a man I could never love

My greed to find the feeling of lips touching, toe curling, and heart erratically beating has greatly won my body

And in an instant, my standards had reach the bottomless pit

His body was made as my weapon, a gun to hold while I- the soldier carried it in confidence. Knowing this, I have considered myself the pity woman

The lost and unpleasant maiden who used a man for the lust to be kissed

I remembered his sweet pined cologne mixed with sweat and liquor, uneasy on our feet as we stumbled in each coridorr- trying to steal a kiss from me. And in every attempt had my head pounding in acceptance

And so I let him take my first kiss

And let me tell you

It was no toe curling, heart erratically beating kind of feeling

I had felt deceived. Not by him but to myself

Certainly, I was no woman in the highest tower- holding my arms wide as the wind blew every pain in my body away. Instead, I was the woman to felt the confusion swaying through my mind like a blizzard, the way I saw myself nothing more then a speck of dirt . The dirt which I am now feeling.

I want to understand why though

Was kissing a man this broad and stiffly. Was it meant to taste sourly pie and unwelcoming? This was not the kiss I had imagined it to be

The continuation to the very end had made me a woman of many secrets. The secrets of resentment, of confusion, of anger

Such feeling made me a woman who couldn't understand the feeling of comfort

I could not kiss him anymore

Because the moment my lips touched every part of his perfectly shaped plump had me in question

Why did it hurt to kiss him

At some point I realize then

Maybe it wasn't me who was the problem Maybe because he wasn't the one

Somehow, I want to know the feeling of being kissed

Not the feeling of kissing to only to feel the resentment later....