In the weeks that passed since my exchange, and 'the incident' as I often overheard them refer to it, I struggled to overcome my attachment to the human world. While I became increasingly closer to Link and Ripley and relied on them to keep me moving forward, I just couldn't let got of my past with Brian. I was slowly slipping into a depression and it was affecting my training to become a Reaper.
I noticed over the weeks that life here, at D.E.M.I.S.E. headquarters, became a busy hive of activity. I wasn't sure if it was just me becoming more acclimated, and yet not transitioning as I should, or if it was due to the rumors of chaos in the human world running rampant. More and more unnatural deaths of humans were reported, and the Reapers were struggling to keep up with collecting those souls most vulnerable. Link and Ripley would sometimes disappear for days at a time. When they would finally return they would hold up in meetings with Chalice and the other council members discussing available options.
I had heard snippets of their whispered conversations here and there, when they thought I was studying the art of soul claiming. My name was tossed about with phrases like, "not ready", "easy target" and "liability".
It ate away at my progress in accepting the choice I had made. Knowing that not only was I apparently some kind of liability to the Reapers and their cause, but now with my lack of training and ability to do what was required of me, Brian's soul, and quite possibly my own, would most likely suffer.
My nights were spent tossing and turning, either dreaming of the life that was ripped away from me or seeing a pair of meadow green eyes gazing at me in disappointment, as if I had let the universe down. I often wondered if I could throw myself upon Chalice's mercy and let him strip my new life away from me and spare Brian in the process.
It was in the wee hours of a morning, where I couldn't sleep at all that, I roamed the maze of hallways and ended up near the gateway room. I could hear faint voices, so I slowed my steps trying to move quietly to hide the sounds of my approach.
As I came to the final turn in the corridor that would open onto the grand room where the shimmering wall stood, I recognized the voice of Link. "She needs to be pushed, yes, I am not denying that. We need her to be on board and ready for the next phase in her life. But the hanging threat of losing Mr. McDougal's soul only seems to push her further into this depression."
Chalice's deeply raspy voice piped up at that point, "It isn't council policy to make amendments for anyone. You know this Link. If she can not fully commit to the choice she agreed to, then she is lost to us and the soul of Mr. McDougal shall be cast out to in eternal damnation and his life forfeit. We were very explicit in our explanations of the consequences and she agreed willingly."
"Willingly? NOTHING ABOUT THE CHOICE SHE OR I MADE WAS WILLINGLY!" I had never heard Ripley angry. And I flinched at his tone. It was so unlike him, he was always that calm comforting feeling pushing away the negative thoughts that had seemed to creep into my mind since our foray into the human world the day I had made my choice.
"Ripley, it would be wise of you to calm down. We place the stipulations on the choice for situations such as these. She is slipping away. You and Lincoln either need to straighten her out and ready her to take her first soul, or you need to step aside and let the council intervene as we had planned to when she first started this spiral."
"Give us more time. A couple days. I promise, Ripley and I will break through this cloud of indecision and depression that has beset on her." The plea in Links voice scratched at something deep within me. He was pleading for my life and I needed to become better for him...and Ripley.
