kept

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I opened my eyes feeling pressure in my chest. All I could see in the midst of the darkness was something like a grid a few meters away from me. I close my eyes again thinking this is just another crazy dream I have due stress and tiredeness. Before re-opening them I take a deep breath and count to 10 like I learned with my therapist.

When I opened them again I was back in my room. I sigh feeling relieved but yet disappointed. Once more I was still home resting before going back to class or work. I sit straight and stare at my light gray walls.

"I need to paint these again" I tell myself while getting up.

I check the clock reminding myself I have to drop by my school to turn in a paper and then I gotta go to work, tonight I have the night shift at the ER. I'm on my last semester of medical school and I'm an intern at the general hospital here in Olympia, Washington.

After I showered and ate half bowl of cereal and prepare myself to leave. The weather is cold since we're in the end of autumn so I grab my thick jacket and leave it by the couch. Before I open the door I glance to the small table and see the bills piling up.

"I have to find another roommate soon" I say out loud

Usually I don't ask my parents for money, it makes me feel useless since they've done plenty for me so far. I had a roommate a few months ago, but Kate left to move in with her boyfriend so it's been hard to support this apartment by myself. I sigh and decide to make a roommate sign to hang at school tomorrow.

The biggest problem to live with another person is that I'm weird. I'm almost never home due school and work, I take meds to control my emotions and anxiety so people normally think I'm always out of my mind. Before Kate it was hard to find a rommie, they always leave when I get depressed and say they didn't sign up to live with a freak.

Just for fucking once I'd like a nice roommate that wouldn't meddle with my life neither find weird when I lock myself in my room and trash everything around me. Can a person live with bipolar disorder and anxiety but not live with another person?