「 The Professor & I 」VOLUME II

(181) Lovingly, Lynn

I relied on a man, not my husband, to give me strength.
To lie to the people, who treat me as their friend.

Because I'm still haunted.
Haunted by a hideous past I cannot stand.

I'm truly sorry, Charles.
I love you.
And I don't know what else I can say.

Lovingly, Lynn.

• ♥ • ♥ • ♥ • ♥ •

My dear Charles,

The last time I wrote to you, it didn't mean anything good.
And neither does it now.

I've never told James anything true about my past.
Because I don't want to be reminded of the pain it casts.

He knows nothing of my hate.

I hate myself for hurting you.
I hate myself for hurting the man I love with all my heart and soul.

Hurting the man I love most with my inability to heal with him by my side.
Hurting the man I love most with my dependence on another because I'm defenseless alone.
Hurting the man I love most with my insufficiencies that fall terribly short of his everlasting and unconditional kindness.

Yet, he reads me like a book.
He knows when I'm upset.
He knows when something's wrong.

He knows, just like you do.
He behaves, just like you do.

He doesn't prod and he doesn't ask.
He just cheers me up.
And I hate that it actually works.

I hate that I've become dependent on him for my laughters and giggles.
I hate that I've become dependent on him for my happiness and joy.
I hate that I've become dependent on him for my freedom and recovery.

I hate that I've become dependent on him, for the things I was once dependent on you.
I hate that I've become dependent on him, just like how I was once dependent on you.

I know he's not just a friend.
But I know he's not quite a brother.
I don't really know what he is.

All I know, is that he's like you.
But I know, he's not you.

I'm truly sorry, Charles.
I love you.
And I don't know what else I can say.

Lovingly, Lynn.

• ♥ • ♥ • ♥ • ♥ •

My dear Charles,

The last time I wrote to you, it didn't mean anything good.
And neither does it now.

But thank you, Charles.
I really like the pocket watch.
Storm said the rose gold is beautiful.

And I'm sure it must be have been expensive.
But who am I to judge?
I gave you a 4810 just last Christmas.