「 her. 」
9:07pm. Passing the gated entrance, I pulled the car into the driveway before shutting it off and stepping out of the too expensive vehicle. Almost everything I owned now had been too expensive— undeserving. Reaching into the side pocket of the bag I carried almost everywhere, I checked my wallet, making sure I had enough to pay the housekeeper as I walked up the short pathway that led to the front door of the five million dollar mansion, unlocking it and walking inside. It was beautiful, really. Right on the hills, plenty of space, marble flooring and an exquisite interior filled with sculptures and paintings as high as the chandeliers, it was the kind of house that only people with real money could afford to buy. Legit money. And well...we had money. And we had plenty of it.
It was quiet when I shut the door, placing my keys down on it's proper hook and calling out for Nina. "In here!" A distinct voice quipped from the television room and I headed down the hall, seeing Nina on the floor with a movie in. Setting the bag at my side down, I smiled as I picked my small child off of the ground, setting her on my hip as Nina stood before me, pausing the film. "Was she good?" I asked, maneuvering my way past toys, crayons, and various other objects strewn across the bright red carpet as I took a seat on the suede couch. "For the most part, yes. Made a small mess with dinner and bath time but I put in her favorite movie." She answered, picking the small toys in question up from the floor and putting them away in their respective bins. Looking around, the room felt more homely than it actually was. Tiny fingers laced themselves against the curls that sat on my shoulders, and I brushed them away before pressing her hands to my lips for a moment. She looked just like him. I hated it. "...Is he home?" I narrowed my eyes, chewing against my bottom lip as I prayed for the answer to be the opposite of what I assumed. "Yes, he's upstairs resting after a flight. Didn't seem like he wanted to be bothered, but he did happen to ask about you." My eyes traveled to the ground first, listening as her feet walked the short distance towards the kitchen and I heard her start on whatever dishes had been left in the sink. Of course he asked about me. Never for my actual well being, but rather, to benefit his own self. Fuel his ego. Feel like he did something, gave a damn when I knew deep down that he didn't— thinking over the last few years of my life, he never did.
Eventually I nodded, stepping out of the heels I was wearing and carrying Zion with me up one of the many staircases inside of the home that led to where the bedrooms were located. Emphasis on rooms. We had so much space now for the three of us, we barely even touched some of the things inside of them, let alone open their doors. You'd think we were a family. Stopping in front of the door that I hated to see closed, I knocked lightly before pushing it open gently, allowing myself in anyways. He was still up as Nina confirmed, engrossed in his laptop, and I cleared my throat in efforts to both gather his attention and still manage not to disturb him too much from what he was doing. He looked up, smiling some as I walked over, sitting on the bed across from where he sat. "Had a good day?" I asked, voice laced with indifference as my gaze set to watching him walk over and pluck Zion from my arms, beaming at her as her little hands reached for the ends of his hair. "It was a'ight. Kind of a busy day." He shared my nonchalance, barely putting an effort into the casual conversation as I nodded my head briskly, taking my jewelry off and placing it on the nightstand to help induce a distraction. "Long flight?" I heard Zi giggle, not bothering to glance upwards to see him as he entertained her. "Shit was so so. But, uh...you got money to pay Ni double tonight, right?" The inquiry seemingly presented itself out of nowhere and I furrowed my brows at the question, already skeptical of the meaning behind it. "Yes...why so, you have another trip?" He didn't speak yet but still shook his head, bouncing her gently as she laid her head on his chest. "Got some shit to handle at 11. Figured you'd need it."
I'd need it. Curling my fingers, I sunk my fists into the sheets before sighing quietly, already knowing what he had been referring to without him having to say it anymore. "I could always just...drop her off at one of her aunts or something, someone more responsible." My voice faded as I trailed off, messing with the ends of my hair as soon as I freed the curls from out of the pins that held most of it up. "Nah, you ain't gotta do all that. Nina can sleep in one of the guest rooms or some shit, you can still stay here." Still never looking at each other, he walked across the bedroom and sat down on his side, placing Zion in the middle as she messed with the sheets. "Mm. When are you getting ready?" I glanced at him for the first time since walking in, taking in his features along with everything else as he leaned on the bed, shrugging. All this time, he still managed to look the same— better, even. A lucky son of a bitch. "Whenever. It ain't nowhere near 11 yet." Shifting slightly on top of the mattress, I only nodded slowly, turning away from him to eye the nightstand while I curled and uncurled my fingers, gripping the sheets almost. I could hear my daughter as she moved about the king sized bed we sat on, and I could hear him sigh as he placed a hand around my waist, doing his best to pull me closer. "You knew you wasn't gon' see me often." He muttered with caution, and I kept from visibly rolling my eyes. I did know— I knew everything. I wasn't even his anymore, never to begin with, and yet I still felt a pang of...something. It only grew with the knowledge of how much he'd be gone, and what he'd been going away for. "Yeah, well, it's not just me anymore. What about Zi?" Successfully keeping my voice low enough to avoid conflict, I motioned to the toddler currently sucking on her fingers, my body tensing as I noticed him grab one of her small, drool covered hands in his grasp with a look of sincerity. "I see her as much as I can, Haze. I just get busy..."
Pressing my lips together, I peeled my eyes away then to fixate on the patterns that adorned the bed sheets. It was no use getting into this tonight— he always won anyway. He simply had to pull all the right cards before I'd retreat, falling into the sea of every single excuse he could come up with. Out of the two of us, he'd been the most sane. Everything worked in his favor. Ignoring the heat that filled my chest, I let go of the sheets to push myself off of the mattress, ignoring the curses that slipped under his breath as I reached for a robe and some night clothes. "I'm gonna go shower. Can you clear a spot out of your very busy schedule to watch the baby for a few minutes please?" I didn't even give the opportunity for an answer before closing the barrier between the bedroom and the bathroom, cutting on the lights only to specifically avoid looking into the mirror. No matter how well-off I looked, I never liked what I see. There was too much to pick at these days, and every flaw I found had a story behind it. The anxiety that I carried throughout my teenage years still remained in my chest, the depression from past trauma and pregnancy's sake never quite left me, and I never spent a moment without hating this sudden new life every day. Slowly, it became everything that I never even wanted, growing into the problem rather than feeding into the solution. The money that was already made before had soon doubled. And the more it doubled, the less I saw him, and the less I saw him, the more lonely I felt. And when I was lonely, I couldn't help missing the things that nearly killed me. Missing things, people that I shouldn't. Sometimes, even him. Without realizing how long I'd been standing by the door or acknowledging the fact that I'd been crying, I brushed a hand against my face and undressed, turning on the shower and stepping inside to let the warm water flow down my back— thinking the same things I thought of every night.
Three years change everything, and time never stops.
