My College Professor (R.S.L)

Chapter 8

"Your mom has cancer." 

Tears wouldn't stop spilling from my eyes, his words echoing in my head over and over like a bad mantra. I clutched my blanket with a death grip, sobs wracking my body as I stayed curled up in my bed. My heart was beating out of control, my lungs struggling to take in oxygen. Despite my pillow being soaked with tears, I still buried my head in the cushion, hoping to mask the sounds of my horrid sobs. 

The creak of the bathroom door sounded, and I knew Lexie was looking at me with that sympathetic expression she had when she saw me crying hours ago and I was forced to tell her what was wrong. I felt the bed dip, her hand on my back as she rubbed it soothingly. She remained quiet, knowing her words of comfort would be of no use to me. 

"Do you need anything?" She murmured quietly. I shook my head, unable to utter a word. It felt like my throat was closing up with each sob that escaped. A sigh escaped her, and she gave my shoulder a squeeze. "Please let me know if you need anything, okay? You know I'm here for you."

I managed another nod, the conversation with my dad repeating in my head once again. 

"What do you mean she has cancer?" I choked out, slowly sitting down on my bed. 

He sniffled on the other end, a sign that he was crying. My heart dropped to my stomach; my dad rarely ever cried. "I'm sorry, baby. Your mom has stage IV lung cancer."

I slapped a hand over my mouth, tears already spilling out of my eyes and down my cheeks. "I-Is she okay? Have they started her on chemo and radiation? Is she in the hospital?" Question after question rushed out of me, and I desperately hoped for positive answers. 

"Honey," he paused, letting out a deep breath. "Your mom is terminal. There's nothing the doctors can do."

Terminal. 

My mom had terminal cancer. 

My best friend was going to die. 

"Your mom has been sick for a while," he continued quietly as I remained silent. Shocked. "We wanted to tell you sooner, but she didn't want you to worry while getting settled."

I was stunned at his confession, unable to process what he was saying. "How long?"

He released a sigh, making it seem painful to answer. "Five months."

"Five months?" I repeated, my heart falling to my stomach. "You've known for five months that my own mother was dying and you didn't tell me?"

"She didn't want to worry you, sweetheart. She wanted you to enjoy your first semester at college?"

Angry tears rolled down my cheeks. "I would've put college off if I had known. I could've been with her, spent whatever time she has left with her! You had no right to not tell me!" 

I curled my fist in my hair, bringing my knees up to my chest as I rested my chin on them. I tuned my father out, ignoring his excuses he cooked up. I had the right to know that my own mother was dying. Losing one of the most important people in my life trumped school. 

Angry, sad, shocked. So many more emotions were squeezing the life out of me, the life I would give to my mom in an instant. She couldn't die, not like this. My parents were supposed to grow old together...watch me become the woman they wanted me to become. 

She wasn't supposed to die. 

She couldn't die. 

By the time I was finally able to stop crying, it was nearing midnight. I rubbed my sore, swollen and red eyes, slowly sitting up as my head ached. I glanced at Lexie who was sleeping soundly, quietly reaching for my laptop to search for the next plane back to Florida.