a book of lams oneshots

heres a new years gift idk

for whomever reads this,

thank you.

chances are that you were close to me and whoever is close to me has done so much for me.

"i've got you, i've got you..."

alexander clutched tightly to john, wide eyed and terrified.

"breathe...with me, okay?"

it hurts me to say that as i write this, i can feel my body preparing to leave this life and go to the next.

yet, after all i've done and seen, i am happy to leave when i am.

"john, you dweeb, just kiss me."

"fuck you."

"i think i'll take up on that offer."

"i hate you."

laughter and sweet, sweet kisses were their favorite things in the world. besides each other, of course.

i will take this time to say that i'm so sorry. i know i've hurt you in some way.

"i cannot believe you would ever do this to me, alexander. i don't get it!"

alexander was slightly alarmed at the use of his first name. tears began to form, thicker than they were before.

"l-laurens...i'm sorry..."

john glared at alexander, and if looks could kill...

"don't call me that."

again, thank you for everything you have done. you were some of the best people anyone could have ever known.

"hamilton. i'm sorry. i was an idiot for saying what i did. please pick up."

alexander kept ignoring john's calls until this voicemail. he called him back, letting out every sob and every word he wanted to say.

thank you for forgiving me.

"laurens. do not make me regret this."

"oh, don't you worry."

but most of all, i'm excited to see people i've lost.

"john. john please pick up."

alexander put down his phone after his twelfth call went to voicemail.

"goddammit, john."

he layed down on his bed, staring at the ceiling for about an hour before he got a phone call from john. he swallowed his hysteria and answered it.

"hello?"

"oh, h-hi alexander."

that was not john.

"where is john?"

"h-he got i-in a really b-bad car accident. uhm, i was in t-the car with him, a--"

a sob.

"i'm glad you weren't there. h-he died in the ambulance, alexander. i'm so sorry..."

he sat and stared into the wall.

"you're joking. y-you have to be joking, right? he was driving home from a birthday dinner for a friend and was dropping you off and he's still alive he's with you he's playing a sick and twisted prank on me, right? he's not d-dead."

"alexander--"

he hung up. he didn't want to hear it.

i believe in love, and the people i love most are where i'm headed. i can see them now. i know they're waiting for me. i know they're going to greet me with open arms.

i believe that i lived my life the best that i could and i'm glad i'm going now.

my only regret? not finishing the eulogy.

"i just wish i could tell him that i love him again and again. i--"

alexander stared into space as he felt tears roll down his cheeks after trying so hard to stay strong for the eulogy. he took a deep breath and sat back down at his seat, not saying another word, not finishing the eulogy, not looking at that god forsaken box that they buried him in, not looking at the lifeless body in the casket.

i bid you a solemn, yet needed farewell.

ever yours,

alexander

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