"Why don't you start from the beginning, Stephanie," the mid age doctor says with an encouraging smile. Her name was Dr. Shepard and like every other day that I've been here, she sits across from me on a black chair with her legs crossed. She always has a clipboard and pen in hand, waiting to write down my problems.
I roll my eyes at that thought. This is just another day wasted, I think while looking around the room. The room was surrounded by four egg-shell colored walls, a desk filled with papers in the corner, and a bookshelf filled to the brim with books, some even on the floor. There were only two seats in the room, a bright red couch that I was sitting on and a black chair that she always sat on. The room looked quite dull, the only thing that seemed remotely interesting was the large photos hanging up. Both photos were in black and white, one showed the view of a mountain and a stream running down it, while the other showed a giant ferris wheel.
I keep my eyes on the Ferris wheel photo, unable to rip my eyes away. Suddenly I feel a weight come over my chest, as if a dumbbell has been placed upon it, making it harder to breath. From the corner of my eye I see the doctor look at my line of sight.
"You like Ferris wheels?" she asks casually trying to create some sort of conversation between us.
I let out a snort. "No, I don't like them," I say coldly, trying to distract myself from the extra weight on my chest. How much of an idiot can she be? Doesn't she know why I'm even here? Don't they have like files or something?
"Why not?" she asks. I can slowly feel my anger bubbling at her idiotic question. I clench my teeth, hoping that it would prevent me from saying anything terrible to her.
It's quiet between us, the only sound coming from the vents as it releases cold air into the room.
I hear her let out a sigh, more likely getting impatient. "You know we have been at it for a couple days now and you hardly ever say anything during these sessions," she says. "I want to help you, but I can't if you don't talk to me," she says sincerely.
I mull over her words in my head. "And besides we have two hours together, so we can either sit here in complete silence or we can actually get somewhere, it's your choice," she says nonchalantly while shrugging her shoulders.
I remain quiet. Do I want to say something to her? Nope, not at all. But then again she is right, I have two bloody hours here with her and I really don't want to sit here in silence for another day. So with a reluctant sigh, I take in a deep breath and hold it in for a second or two before letting it out.
"It was dark," I start hesitantly. She gives me an encouraging smile pushing me to go on.
"My friends had wanted to go to the fair that had just opened up for the weekend. I remember begging my parents to let me go and finally they did," I say with a small chuckle, but not finding any humor in the situation whatsoever.
I remember the lights were bright that night, making the dark corn field look beautiful and enchanting something that it never looked like on its own. There was a big opening in the field, void of any corn, making room for the games and rides. There was a constant flow of noise, people shuffling around moving from one ride to another. There was also plenty of laughter and screaming, especially from the little kids.
"It was pretty packed that day," I say. My mind thinking back to the handful of couples and families that I saw scattered around, each one having fun and enjoying their time together.
"And what were you and your friends doing?" she asks relaxing back in her chair.
"We were just having some fun, you know. Going on a couple rides and playing games, the usual," I say casually, turning to look away from her, and hoping she wouldn't catch my lie.
