The Five Unnecessaries

Chapter 25- Part 1

"Are you sure you don't want to talk?" Collin asked.

I had given up on sleep. Collin had asked me what I wanted to do, and I'd answered that I wanted to beat the heck out of something. He usually gave me pointers or kept me motivated while I was at the punching bag. Now he just looked concerned that I was going to snap.

"No." I jabbed the same spot on the bag, pretending it was the Head Counselor's face. "What's his name again?"

"It's Terrance Palmer. He's the Society Party's number one, head Council. Not that it matters. You don't focus on him. You don't worry about the giant with the eggs. You need to keep stealing the eggs and ignore him."

"You know," I stopped punching and tossed the sweaty hair away from my eyes, "I'm not sure that strategy is working. The giant is roaring right now, angry I took the eggs, and saying that stupid 'fi fum' thing."

He sighed. "I'm aware. But this is technically the first time he's stepped out of the castle. Maybe he'll get in a better spot to be toppled, eventually. Isn't that what we're after? In the end?"

He was right, but I ignored him and continued to imagine the punching bag was Terrance Palmer's face.

"Do you want to talk about something else?" he offered. "Anything else? I got all of your notes from your MCU downloaded, except some are corrupted for some reason."

Maybe it was an annoyance at being told something obvious or the need for truth that made me answer him. "Because I deleted some."

"Why?"

I would need to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him the truth. The truth I had spoken into the dark that night.

"Because... they..." I stopped punching. "I wrote them to you. I wrote things I shouldn't have written. Not if I want you to be a trainer. I'm sure those words are illegal to say to you if—"

I stared at the ground, afraid of his reaction. The bag shifted as he leaned on it.

"Aislyn, look at me."

I looked up, his deep blue eyes as tortured as I expected.

"Aislyn, I have wanted to do this for as long as I could remember. But I never guessed it was going to cost so much. I made a promise to my mom. Now I met you, you—"

"Messed it all up." That sinking feeling returned, the same feeling I'd had when I saw myself on the broadcast.

"No, that's the thing. You—" he grasped my hand "—you made this happen. Eldridge was right. We didn't need a hero. We needed someone who was alive enough to see the reasons we do this. To stop Tessa's arrogance, to help Cassidy, to save two Unnecessaries, to believe a Sentry might turn against the Republic. And now I can't stop wanting to be as alive as you. I want to tell stories, sing, dance, be brave or scared, do it anyway. I think that's why I can't stop... feeling this way."

His hand grew tighter with his last words. I realized no one could see us, hiding in the shadow of the punching bag in the most hidden part of the room. But I could see our struggle more clearly than ever: frozen in worry, holding our breath and still not saying the words that would condemn us. Because at the end of this journey, he could still choose the journey over me. I could still choose to die over coming home to him.

His head was still resting on the bag, like mine, as if it was holding his weight in case he couldn't handle the answer his eyes were asking.

I leaned in. He edged forward.

His breath was warm. I took in every detail of his features and my surroundings, like I was on a mission. My mind blurred with Patterson's warning, the children still to be saved, the war still raging, Alex's life in danger. I should've been pulling back. I should have been trying to resist this. But he wasn't pulling back, and neither was I.

His head tilted to match mine and hovered. His lips almost grazed mine. The voice in his head must have been making the same protests. He spoke, his breath hitting my cheek with every word.

"I can't stop being afraid that if I tell you that I love you, everything will change."

"Maybe it will. The truth usually does. But if it's the truth, you need to tell me."

His fear faded with my words. His eyes closed as he pulled me closer. There was only a moment to breathe before his lips drew me into his, his other hand grasping my neck. I thought he might stop, pull back from the kiss too soon. I pushed my lips into his, to prove to him he didn't need to be afraid.

Every second, the kiss became more intense. I was still leaning on the bag with my shoulder. For balance or so no one would glance in and see us. At any point, this could end. And I didn't want it to.

Finally, he pulled away reluctantly. His forehead rested on mine, his hands cradling my head. My eyes stayed closed. His breath was unsteady and heavy. I'm sure mine wasn't much better. I was terrified that he would regret it, that I'd open my eyes and hear him say that this was a mistake.

But I opened my eyes despite my fear. His one hand still held my cheek, grazing it gently.

We both jumped when his watch beeped. Collin breathed out slowly and answered. "Collin here."

Liam talked on the other line. "Hey, Eva and Lynn are ready to go tomorrow night. Will she be ready?"

I bit my lip, which was still burning, fighting back the urge to say no. I looked at the boy who had lost his mother, the trainer who hesitated to answer Sam, and the man I loved who feared losing me. His jaw was shaking.

I choked out the answer he couldn't find.

"I'll head out tomorrow."

His hand squeezed mine as his head dropped.

Liam said, "Thanks!" and disconnected.

We stared at each other for moments that stretched into minutes. The air seemed electrified and made me unable to move.

"You know what I'm going to ask."

"Yeah," I whispered.

"Promise you'll come back, Aislyn."

I pulled him in, his head resting on my shoulder, my lips kissing the side of his head before grazing his ear with the whispers I had spoken into the dark.

"I love you. I don't have a choice. I have to come back."

My lower lip quivered, but only for an instant before it crashed into his again. His kiss felt more urgent this time, but it was only a second before another beep rang in my ear. He buried his face in his hands.

"Council Debrief, man, in thirty minutes. Are you two coming down?"