heart of an introvert (sort of)

Prologue

"Two years seems a lifetime and all that smile is all i have got" , this thought keeps on running and running through my head ever since i decided that i must see her again. although all i want is to move on with my life. a life without her. 

I am Max a 21 year old self-proclaimed happy go lucky guy. a gamer by heart , a medium to heavy drinker (not mentioning vomiting),emotionally fucked up, a guy who is snobbish (according to strangers and now my friends), a street-smart jock, ( i know what's up and what's not ) trust me .and an introvert.

and yes i have a fucked up mind. i have decent job not mentioning i've just graduated. i can buy anything i want, i can go anywhere i can. i can go partying all night and get all pretty girls number and go what-suppose-to-happen next, i can provide money for my family. all that seems to make all 21year old a happy guy. 

but when the quiet times begin and my scumbag brain starts to freckle . all i see is her. and then boom my heart started to stutter. i don't know .all i want to remember is that time i'm very in love with her. and she means the world to me. it's been a long time since i talked to her. zero communication as is. and fuck i reminisce all the things we've been . and the funny part is you can count it on your fingers. i really don't know. maybe i'm easily get in love and got the infatuation part so seriously. but fuck this. i know when my heart is beating so spontaneous and i know it is because her. but fuck again. i love her STILL?! maybe ? i'm not so sure. but fuck!

her name is Misty,,,,,,,

"hey, you have a minute?" i asked politely, 

"sure, where do you want to talk" she replied,

"hmm lets walk for a bit" i added,

then i took her hand and cautiously look at her pretty face and up closely to her eyes and i see the confusions , i sighed a little looked back at her friends who looks at me like i stole something important to them, and we walk down a long aisle in the campus as i spotted a pretty good place to give her something and tell her something that would surely downfall again any emotions we still have for each other.

*Flashback

i always wanted her to be special so i decided to buy her a necklace. but at that time I'm so poor and my allowance is only enough for my weekly expenses. so feeling inspirational on what's happening in my hypothalamus , i cut down my expenses just to save so i can buy that sweet-little-round-things-with-sparkling-heart-silver-pendant for her.

but as i continue to save up. the feelings we have are always going downfall. we can't communicate that well, we can't see each other, we barely talk personally. yes we know we love each other/ or i know i LOVE her. but it seems the world is tilting us a different way around.

...

"here, this is a good spot"

"i have something for you that i wanted to give you long ago, but i wasn't able to buy it right away." i tell sincerely

and SNAP! i know this is the right moment i should tell her everything i wanted to say. who knows maybe we can reverse what is happening right now/ or i can reverse what is happening right now. 

 as i handed a blue box which contains the necklace i take a quick glance.

right on all i was thinking was, damn she is so pretty but you can really see in her eyes that something is bothering her. i take a quick run down on my thoughts to pick on what really bothers this girl.

then back to reality.

i open the box and smile at her.

"you know how much i love you right?, and yet i know you always think in that pretty mind that i don't show it, so i decided to give this you, i hope with this you will feel how special are you to me and all i want for you is to see that smile i always wanted to see" i said like there was some water running through my eyes

Misty looks right through me . like there was a dagger stabbing me right on the left side of my chest. she still has those innocent/confused look on her eyes. i don't know what is she thinking or feeling. after a quick blink in her gorgeous eyes. she said.

"but Max you shouldn't have" she stuttered

"i really want to give you that. just wear it if you like and that's okay for me" i replied

"thank you Max" she said.

still i don't get the answer or the expression i wanted to see from her. so i frankly hesitated and said.

"you don't want to continue this? i know it is hard for us to be in this situation , but if you really want to do this, all you have to do is ask." i said merely

"i'm so sorry, i can't lie anymore, i love you but there is something i need to do first before this." she is close to crying saying this

that moment i know i have to do the worst thing i expected. and that's to bid goodbye to my girl.

"we can still be friends, we can still see each other again" she said.

i sighed deep and i let my heart out................................................

_______END OF PROLOGUE________