Go On Without Me

Chapter Two

May 19, 1994
Jackie's Apartment
9:00 PM

   Jackie had slept most of the day, waking up here and there telling her family she loved them. They stayed by her side all day long.  Throughout the day, she muttered things like, "lift me up," and "I'm ready, Lord." Her family knew it wouldn't be long. Jackie knew her time was coming. Around 9:00pm, Jackie woke up for the last time.
"Caroline, John-John, Patrick darling." Jackie's voice was weaker than it had been. Caroline was holding her hand and John and Patrick stood beside her.
"Please go on with your lives. I'll watch you from a distance, I hope you know that. Keep the Kennedy name and values strong."
"We will, Mommy." Caroline squeezed her hand and started to cry.
"I love you, then, now, and forever." Jackie said, trying to give them a reassuring smile.
"I love you with all my heart." Caroline bent down and hugged her. "Until next time..."
"I love you too, sweetie." Jackie gave her a kiss. Then Caroline walked over to Ed and hugged him.
John hugged her. "Mother, please tell Daddy I said hi. Tell him that we miss him. We'll miss you too." John held back tears. "I love you Momma."
Jackie hugged him tightly. "I will. I love you, John-John." John backed up so Patrick could have his moment.
"Darling, I wish we had more time." Jackie said while grabbing his hand.
"Me too." Patrick took a deep breath while tears formed in his eyes. "I'm sorry for what I did. I really am."
"Please don't worry about that now." Jackie told him.
"Thanks for not killing me." Patrick smiled. Jackie laughed. "I love you, Mummy."
"I love you, darling." Jackie replied. Patrick stayed beside her, holding her hand. She told the rest of her family goodbye.
"I love you all very much. Please go on without me." Jackie said softly. These were the last words the beloved mother and grandmother said in her breathy voice. She drifted off to sleep.
For the next hour and fifteen minutes, John sat at the foot of her bed, while Caroline and Patrick sat on either side of her, holding her hands. Jackie's breathing slowed throughout the hour. Everyone was silent, not wanting to miss her last breaths. At 10:10, her breathing was shallow and shaky. She was struggling.
   "I think this is the end." Caroline began to cry. She was holding on to Jackie's hand tighter than ever. Ed wrapped his arms around her trying to comfort her. John looked down at his watch at 10:15. Jackie then took one last deep, shaky, frail breath.
   "S-she's gone..." John said. He was in shock. His rock was gone, he had no one to turn to. Caroline kissed Jackie's hand before walking over to John.
   Patrick buried his face in Hayley's shoulder. Despite their bad relationship, this hit Patrick really hard. He was sobbing into Hayley's shirt. Caroline pulled him away from Hayley and wrapped her two brothers in a hug.

   Jackie was gone. There was nothing they could do about it other than be there for each other. Now at the ages of 37, 34, and 30, they not only had to bury a parent, but bury her beside their late father. The three children of Jack and Jackie Kennedy had lost the woman that kept them together and sane.