I Love You Brother

Deserving the Truth

The next day it rained. No, it poured. The skies were grey and it smelled like a flood in the making. You know that crisp, clean smell that lingers from the windows into your home? The aroma gives my arms goosebumps.

My mother had wanted to go out and look for shoes that day, but I told her that I didn't want to face the hefty rain while it smashed against the pavement. I just wanted to sit in my bed and forget everything. My mind was split that week. I thought of Ian all the time. I really did miss the guy and wanted him to be there with me. Maybe if he'd been there I wouldn't have been thinking so much about Evan... Because he was all I was thinking about even while I was thinking about Ian. I should've realized that meant something.

My lips got chapped and my chest felt like it was laying on top of needles. The palms of my hands got sweaty and I couldn't sit still when I thought of him. I started pacing the room when I thought of the real reasons why we broke up... But I couldn't tell him.... Telling him this would help him understand... No, it's for the best. He was right...

I was fighting my own words all night, trying to figure out what to do. So indecisive, I picked up my phone and decided to invite him over. My fingers fiddled with keys but my mind quickly made them stop moving. No. I couldn't do it. 

A girl just can't make up her mind. That's the truth. But the real truth was, I had made up my mind that night. I just couldn't do anything about it. My body wouldn't do it. Some things were holding me back that day... But I couldn't think about them. Not now. I had to move on and wear a smile until after the wedding. And then I'd leave this town and go back to Ian who kept me sane. 

"Ana!" my mother shouted from downstairs. I heard the door open. My heart dropped. "I'm going to run to the store quick, we don't have any milk." I let out a deep sigh. 

"Okay well be careful Mom!" I shouted back. Shortly after she left, my head hit my pillow and I closed my eyes for about an hour until my phone danced on my desktop. I shot my eyes open and took a good, long stare at the device, trying to decide if it would blow up or not. 

"Hello?" I said into the phone.

"Hi, honey. It's me!" I hear raining in the background. "I got a flat tire! Evan arrived just now to bring me home! Just letting you know why I was gone so long!"

"Are you okay, Mom? Are you sure you don't want me to get you?" I said. The tone in her voice was cold. Why didn't she call me to pick her up in the first place? We had an extra car. 

"Oh no, I wouldn't want to bother you. I'll be home soon!" Then she hung up. I looked down at my phone as I hung up as well, and saw that I had 5 missed calls. She had tried to reach me while I was sleeping. Why was it the 6th time that woke me up? My heart dropped to my stomach as guilt poured in. My poor, old mother was out in the cold rain at night, waiting for someone to pick her up. 

My mother arrived in a huff as she walked through the door that I opened for her. I thought I'd better be waiting for her by the door after that phone call. She was muttering something under her breath as she quickly started for the stairs. 

Shortly after, Evan walked up to the door soaking wet. 

"Oh, come in!" I said and shut the door behind him. 

"What were you doing? You know your mom was calling you right?" he asked while shaking his moppy hair. 

To this day, I don't know what overcame me in this moment. I just looked at his deep, green eyes and jumped forward. My arms wrapped around his neck like they knew just where to go. I felt his body stiffen as I tightly held on to his damp, but warm body. A part of me didn't want to let go. Then I sensed the awkwardness I had just created.