Manesa

Chapter Two: Manesa

And the colours of these roads are matching the rainy sky.

We're too blind to see what's really here in front of our eyes.

And I hope someday this will all reverse,

and send us back to the times before.

Before we grew up and lost the novelty of,

Clear blue skies and climbing trees.

Can't you see what our lives have come to be?

Can't you see what our lives have come to be?

The car halted suddenly and I nearly jerked. My eyes opened and as warm tears hit my elbow, I realised I had cried while sleeping. Miss Taylor looked so exhausted and her eyes too suddenly looked red. Did she cry too? I was going to ask her but I noticed a grimace on her face as she stared out of the car's window.

I followed her stare expecting that we had arrived at my house, except... why are there police cars and ambulances outside my house? Why are Mrs Baird and the other neighbours looking into my house? ''Miss Taylor, please can you drive a little closer please?'' my mind kicked into panic mode and as if the nurse sensed this she switched off the music, stopped the car and got out of the car. I followed her quietly, praying that it was a mere visit and the police were there for someone else not my mama.
My thoughts were abruptly drowned out by a shrill sound, and I ran faster towards the ambulances. My blood chilled and I could sense someone running towards me from the other direction but I just kept running until I got into the house and past the police officers in the front room and straight for mama's room. I hadn't noticed the charred walls and the broken stairs on the way to her room or the unmistakable smell of burnt plastic reeking from the kitchen. Mama wasn't in her bed. In fact, there wasn't any bed or distinct furniture. The windows were broken and the curtains had all burnt. As panic flooded my mind, I could hear the drumming of my own heart. I knew somewhere deep inside me that something catastrophic had happened. But, I wanted to keep a hold of the tiny hope that I was wrong and mama had had a fall or something minor. A fluttering object caught my attention and I turned to look at it. There was a rose coloured cloth stuck on the shards of the window. I crawled to it and ripped it away. ''Mama's handkerchief'' MAMA!!!

I raced downstairs to face the officers. I met Miss Taylor at the foot of the stairs just staring into space, her eyes as red as the jacket she was wearing. She saw me and instantly composed herself, trying to smile and failing. I wasn't sure what to say to her so I pushed past her to the officers in the front room. Someone held my arm and I spun around instantly.

''Are you Miss Manesa?'' a tall, dark figure held my gaze, eyes squinting as he gave me a glance over. I focused on his face. He repeated himself as if I didn't hear him before. He had stepped closer, one hand on my shoulder, as if to steady me or ground me to him. I nodded frantically, trying to get past him to the officers in the front room. But peeking through the small gap between the door, I realised that the officers weren't there anymore and I realised they were outside and I could hear them issuing orders. I forced my way out of the stranger's grasp and ran out to the officers beside the ambulance. Someone shouted that I should not be let near the ambulance, but what did I care? I wanted to see my mother right now! Three women-presumably nurses- were about to shut the ambulance door but I was quicker and I slipped my fingers between the two closing doors, preventing them from closing. As they let the door go, I heard Nurse Taylor explain to someone that I was the deceased's daughter. Deceased?! Mama?!

I jumped into the ambulance and halted. There was an outline of a person under a white sheet, covered from top to bottom, no trace of skin exposed. I hesitated.

All my senses converged into the scene before me and I ignored everything else but the white cloth and, presumably, the person underneath.

Please God let it not be my mama. Mama! I'm so sorry!

With hands and legs shaking I struggled towards the stretcher. My hands suddenly forgot how to work and I ended up just an inch away from the body, doing nothing but staring at it. I had the urge to sit on the floor as my knees were wobbly and weak. But, I forced my brain to function and moved my hands slowly but unsteadily, tracing the white sheets. As the sheets slowly gave way, it felt like I was watching a slow motion horror scene.

I glimpsed something black as charcoal underneath the sheets. Anxiety and panic wrecked the little hope I had held onto. The sheets were on the floor at once, exposing the charcoal remains of the once warm and generous friend and mother I had known. Her eyes were no more the colour of almonds. In fact at this moment they had no colour, no sense of recognition in those eyes, just an empty socket revealing evidence of the violent manner in which she had died.

Grasped by a sudden feeling of fatigue and despair, my legs gave in and I collapsed onto the floor of the ambulance. I lost complete sense of my surroundings. Nothing mattered anymore. My body shook with a vehement tremor as a loud cry broke from my mouth. I had never been one to let out my feelings or thoughts. I had always kept it safely hidden. Even when I cried, I made sure mama or anyone weren't around and I did it quietly. But, right now, I needed to let out this rock that had been wedged into my heart. I needed to cry. To scream. To thrash my hands around and plead for her to be brought back to me. I had no one else.

In the heat of the moment, I hadn't noticed that someone had screamed my name. Clutching the stretcher for support, I stood up and wrapped my arms around the corpse, the crispy burnt remains of what would have been her head rubbed against my cheek and as my tears dropped onto the charred, scaly remains of her skin, I could sense another presence in the ambulance. I couldn't see very vividly who it was but the feeling of darkness suddenly clouded my thoughts and as I blinked away the tears I realised who it was.

The stranger.

My eyes closed in a submissive manner and I felt my knee was going to give way again, somehow the stranger got to me before I fell and carried me out. I let him because I hadn't the energy to fight anymore, my source of light and courage had been taken away from me and left me with emptiness and a feeling of darkness. The shouting, crying and rampant struggles had drained all my energy and as the stranger carried me away, all I could see was mama's singed feet sticking out from the white sheets that had been replaced by the paramedics. My eyes closed again, everything had faded, all the noise too around me had faded, and the only one remaining was the beating of my heart petering into the oblivion.