Dear Love #CollateralBeauty

Dear love

Dear love

I dont know if you know me, because at this point in life I am not sure that you really exist at all. It is weird, though I can see you in the eyes of my sister when she talks to her boyfriend, in my father when he watches my mothers every move, in the people around me who seem to be lucky enough to have found you,  you don't ever seem to notice myself

Of course, part of you, love, is always present when I am with my family or friends but that part of you that everyone is talking about, saying that this is one of the most beautiful things in life, this part of you has never crossed my way.

Tell me love, where are you? Why do you not appear even if they are so many people that want to have you, that need you? Where are you in this world full of darkness ? Or is it just my world that seems to be dark?
I am certainly wondering why I haven't discovered this beautiful part of you yet. Am I not worthy of it ? Do I need to claim to be you just so others can give me affection, show me their feelings?

It seems to be wrong that many people claim to be you just to get what they want. "I love you" is what they say  to get someone where they want to have them. I have been fooled too, though in the depth of my heart I never really did believe that you where there.

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on something, the best part of life. Maybe it is my own fault. Never letting anybody really get to know me, being to closed up, not being outgoing or not sociable enough and thinking that I am not pretty enough doesn't make the search for you any easier, love.

Curiosity is in my head about how it must be like to fully have you, feel you, giving you all of me and getting all of you in return.

When I am thinking about you I do believe that if i had your commitment you would accept me with my flaws and insecurities even when I cant accept them. You would make me feel lightheaded when I see you and drive me crazy in the best of ways. You would make me feel something I have never felt before.

That is why I do not give up on you yet. Why I will accept your friend time and trust him to not let me down and let you cross my way when it is right. Till then I will still keep you in my mind and try to be a better version of myself every day so that it will be easier for you to find me, or even for me to find you

I am waiting for you, love.

And until the day I meet you, I shall try to learn to love myself

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Ok so this is the first time for me to write something here and I'm a litte nervous about it..
I was trying to sleep and couldn't stop thinking about the letter to love so I've decided to just write my thoughts down. I do hope that you guys like it ( If anyone even sees this haha)
Also my cover is just ridiculous😂
Oh and sorry for any typos