.YTPME. >>> joshler

.n e e t x i s.

sorry i dont upload i have crippling anxiety :)

also tw: Josh gets hella depressing and mentions the opposite of friendly title for gay

Josh Dun

I sat in the back seat of Mrs. Joseph's van, Zack in the passenger seat and Tyler next to me, his hand creeping closer and closer to mine. I held back a giggle at his middle-school shenanigan, and grabbed his hand, intertwining our fingers.

I found it pretty odd myself, being so comfortable around a boy I've known for maybe two months, or enough to care about him and hold his hand. On our way to my first therapy session, I started rethinking the previous days, and the sight of my dead, bleeding family came back very vividly in my mind, making me short of breath and feeling a firm grip around my hand. Of course it was just Tyler trying to reassure me, but I recalled my mother doing the same action, in an attempt to hurt me as she had done to my father.

As I breathed in too quickly to be human, and yanked my hand away in the same speed, Mrs. Joseph had pulled up to my therapy session. Upon entry of the hellish-type building, I saw a few people sitting, anxious adults biting their nails, a small girl looking down at the ground, resting her chin on her fist, and a man in his late twenties leaned against the wall.

As I checked in, I was immediately called back, and a lady in a business suit tapped my shoulder, signaling Tyler and I follow.

I look at the door, to see the name "DR. ALMQUIST" in tiny printed font. The lady (who was yet to identify herself) knocked the door, and a soft voice replied on the other side.

"It's open"

Tyler brushed my palm with his index, as if to test if I wanted his hand, which I gladly accepted.

"Hello, you must be..." she took the clipboard from the lady, and saw my name highlighted at the top, "Joshua Dun."

She held out her hand, and I had to detach mine from Tyler to shake it, whilst I nodded.

"Yes ma'am"

"No need for pleasantries with me, Joshua. I'm Naomi. So, let's get to it, shall we?"

She led us to a couch with a coffee table infront, and she sat in a chair adjacent from the table.

"Okay, uh. Hm. For starters, I was-still am-abused by my mother." I sheepishly looked down, and my heart beat became louder as Tyler grabbed my hand... once again.

Naomi didn't seem phased, instead seemed to be interested, like she wanted to hear what I had to say. Like she was there to listen.

"I mean, it wasn't always just my mom. Hell, half the house pitched in on making Josh Dun's life a living, breathing nightmare. Not that I don't already have enough of those." I sighed.

Naomi tugged some of her bleached hair behind her ear, her pale skin wrinkling and light eyebrows furrowed together.

"How did 'half the house' pitch in?" Her voice was smooth and relaxing.

"Well, take my younger brother. He uh, was rather homophobic. Which fueled my mother's fire in their joint hatred of me. He made sure everyone at our school knew, everyone understood I was a disgraceful faggot"

My voice got quieter with each word, and Tyler had inhaled sharply. Naomi's face visibly became discomforted, as was I.

Naomi breathed deeply, before sitting up in her seat.

"If you haven't yet, I think the first step to progress is being comfortable and accepting yourself, however that also comes with the understanding that other people have their own opinions, whether they should be shared or not. For now, we'll start you on some anti-depressents, and next week let's chat about your mother, okay?"

I nodded.

"But for now," she looked at her watch, " we have fifteen minutes. Tell me a bit about your friend here."

Tyler sniffled, and I swear I saw him chew back a smile.

"Well I mean, look at him, what's not to like?"

This is gonna work.

I think.